


A thousand fires

by blissfulss



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Celebrity AU, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers to Friends, Everyone is 20+, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Semi NSFW but not rlly, Slow Burn, We have Models and Actors
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:21:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 27,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25912009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blissfulss/pseuds/blissfulss
Summary: As addicting as success was, it was also evanescent, momentary. Some people thought it had something to do with luck, with destiny, with the natural course of things. You thought otherwise. You saw it as something to be seized, something to be touched and molded with the roughness of your fingers until they bled. And so you pitied those who found themselves in the momentum, at the top of the world, only to let it slip though the cracks, vanished from their own hands as it had never existed, leaving nothing but whispers of what ifs echoing in their place.You couldn't let that happen to you,  you wouldn't.You'd come to learn the universe has little regard for its rules.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Reader, Kuroo Tetsurou/Reader, Miya Atsumu/Reader, Oikawa Tooru/Reader, Sugawara Koushi/Reader
Comments: 9
Kudos: 35





	1. cheers to us

**Author's Note:**

> BEFORE YOU READ: because of the fact that I feel uncomfortable writing and reading "y/n" or any other variations of that, I decided to use a very short name as a placeholder (thought it won’t appear unless absolutely necessary), the description of the character or in this case the "reader" still remains pretty vague, and the story is still written in 2nd POV. With that said, I hope this change is not too much of an inconvenience :)

A cacophony of sounds enveloped the city, chirping birds barely heard above the loud car hunks of angry drivers and the thousand of hurried footsteps crossing the street.

You propped your chin on the palm of your hand, with lethargic eyes you stared at the large dusty windows that decorated the large studio-office of Ukai. Even after 1 year and a half of meeting him, the place looked the same as the first time you laid eyes on it. A desk the color of mahogany greatly contrasted against chipped white walls, mold beginning to form along with the corners and a couple of framed movie posters miraculously hung with a little tape. Turning your gaze away from the grimy walls, you found yourself staring at the unmoving face of your agent and manager.

You gave them a look, unblinking. "...What?"

Ukai let out a sigh, repressing the urge to yank at his own hair. "Did you not hear anything of what I just said?"

Leaning back, you nonchalantly crossed your arms and lazily pointed upwards. "Did you know there's mold on your walls?" 

Ukai turned around and squinted his eyes, cursing at the old cheap walls under his breath. "I've been meaning to change that."

You snorted. "Right."

Takeda raised his hand and cleared his throat. "Can we please stop talking about molding walls and discuss the matter at hand?"

"Oh yeah, what was it again?"

Ukai let out another sigh. "Have you read the reviews?"

You refrained from biting your lip. "The…uh..”

The reviews. It was always the reviews and the critics and every time someone brought it up it made your heart want to leap out of your chest. You hadn’t expected much, really, seeing as it was an indie by a first time director, but despite the small budget and the risk that came in working with an industry rookie and a small production company, you were excited to join in. The first time you read the script felt like magic to you, the inked words slowly luring you into their world, your heart clenched for the characters and their experiences, some of them mirroring your own. It was beautiful and sorrowful commentary about the struggles and reality of youth, the loss of innocence, and the loss of life.

Maybe the gods had pitied you because somehow you had managed to get the lead. You couldn’t believe it at first, sure, given the nature of the production there was less competition, but _still_. After filming and participating in a series of local film festivals, the reviews began rolling in, one after another. You... understood the job of a critic, to sit and watch and critic the hard work of a group of people that came together to create something that they believed in, to create something everlasting. And a critic’s job was to tear it apart from the very root, and to you, it was terrifying. You supposed it’s natural to be mildly afraid of being judged, but you, you were scrutinized by the eyes of the public, by your peers, and by anyone that was someone. Yeah, it was terrifying. No, of course, you didn’t read the reviews. 

“So you didn’t.”

“Yeah, I didn’t.” 

Takeda handed you his phone, you peered at the brightly lit screen, the characters written at the top of the page staring back at you.

You shook your head. “I’m not reading that.” 

There was no way you would read anything written by Funai Seiichi, also known as Tokyo’s best and most ruthless critic. He wasn’t just a critic, no, he was a murderer of dreams, proven by the number of careers he had ended with just mere words and letters. His word was law and gold, and to be approved by him meant a ticket into the big leagues and an open path to new opportunities. 

You simply weren’t brave enough to read the fate he had set before you. 

“Fine, if you won't read it then I’ll read it myself. Out loud.”

You gritted your teeth and mentally prepared yourself to have your self-esteem obliterated.

“To no one’s surprise, the path envisioned by first-time director Miura Haruki progressively turned into more of an uncomfortable, bumpy road that made my stomach churn and my insides want to convulse.”

You cringed.

“Aided by the fervent and powerful performances of their leading actors, particularly the palpable, almost unhinged-like quality of what will surely be this year’s breakout star.”

The words echoed in your head, over and over. He couldn’t be talking about you, could he? You thought back to all those scenes where you had to cry your eyes out, snot all over and a dry throat to top it off. …Could he?

Either way, you considered it a win as long as he didn’t directly talk major shit about you.

“Whether it was on purpose or not, the evident lack of Miura’s expertise became the film’s driving force, complementing and enhancing its own narrative, like putting together a shitty picture puzzle with pieces that weren’t made for each other, but happen to work just right. Going by the unusual approach taken by both Miura and his leading cast when it comes to such a theme, they unified and combined each other’s artistry to build a contemporary picture puzzle--while seemingly blindfolded--. Far from your technically perfect movie yet easily one of the most whimsical, innovative, and genuine pieces of media I’ve had the pleasure of witnessing this year.”

You stared off into space as Takeda finished reading. You didn’t know where to begin. You couldn’t even form a coherent thought if someone paid you to.

“Now, that wasn’t that bad, was it?”

“I’m just,” You nodded absentmindedly. “Trying to...like, let it simmer for a bit.”

You blinked once, then twice.

“Give me that,” Snatching Takeda’s phone out of his hand you quickly began scrolling through the article. “Is this like, legit? There’s no way he’s for real—“ 

Right below the headline, four stars and half sat under the film’s title, indicating its score.

Your head instantly whipped towards your agent and manager who looked at you with a smile, the latter being more obvious than the other.

“This is good, really good.” 

“Good?! I expected 1 star and future unemployment."

Takeda let out a laugh and retrieved his phone from your shaking hands. “Hopefully this means more visibility and opportunities. Congratulations! You deserve it.” 

“You're just happy you can pay rent now.”

Ukai hummed. “That too.” His eyes lingered on the wall lining with mold. Yeah, at least now he could get around to fix that. 

Three weeks had passed, and the film had now made its premiere. It had performed surprisingly well --given the small promotion-- and it was praised by both critics and local cinephile circles. Many thought it was a success, you thought it was a miracle. You had never experienced something like this, the sweet taste of being visible, of really being seen. When it came to your work, you were almost like a second thought, the supporting role, good but not quite. So many times did you struggle to get a good part, to get enough lines, enough screen time. To you, success felt like secondhand smoke, you’ve been near it, you’ve smelled it; at times it felt palpable enough, almost as if it were your own. It was nothing more than an illusion, your fingers barely ever brushed the stars, it didn’t matter how many times you tried, you just weren’t able to reach. But now, _now_ , you were so close that you could feel the stain of stardust on the pad of your digits.

* * *

You looked at your phone’s clock and cursed under your breath. You had promised Sugawara you’d be on time. Seeing as you had the nasty habit of usually being late to any meetings, your friends started making bets, not only on you, but with _you._

_“If you're the last one, dinner’s on you.”_

You absolutely refused at first, but they insisted and managed to rile you up enough to give in. You couldn’t allow yourself to be late, ever again.

You still remember the eight times they made your pockets hurt.

Spotting a head of gray hair from afar, you quickened your pace.

“Hey!” You said, taking a sit in front of him. “Sorry I’m… late.”

Crescent moon eyes smiled at you. “No worries, I just got here myself.”

You gave him a small smile in return. “So what should we order then?”

“Whatever you want,” he said. “You are paying, anyway.”

You pursed your lips in defeat. “O-kay, Coffee it is!”

Walking to the front of the café, you tried recalling Sugawara’s go-to coffee order. Was it a mocha or a mochaccino? God, what even was the difference? You frowned. _Ordering coffee shouldn’t be this difficult._ You ended up getting him the one that had extra whipped cream and a simple frappuccino for yourself.

“So,” he started once you settled back, “What does it feel like?”

“Well,” You swirled your drink. “I don’t know. It’s just like, weird. But in a good way.” 

“I think you deserve it.” He said, taking a careful sip.

You looked up to find his gaze, a sudden wave of warmth spreading over your cheeks. “Ah, thank you. Though, I don’t think I, uh… could’ve made it without you.”

His surprise was muffled by the cup on his lips. “Oh? How so?” He knew what you meant, but he wanted to hear it coming from you.

“Uh, I mean—” you took a sip, and then another. And then two more. “Thinking back, if we hadn’t run into each other, and if you hadn’t introduced me to Ukai—” Another sip. “I probably wouldn’t be here.”

You immediately avoided his eyes. God, that was _embarrassing._ You can’t believe you admitted it out loud. _But it was fine,_ you thought. He’s nice, and he won’t make fun of you, he’ll just brush it off. Because he’s nice.

You were wrong.

Sugawara broke into giggles. “Aw, you’re right! That means I get half of your payment?”

“No. But you’ll get a shoutout once I win a super famous award!”

He hummed in agreement. “Okay, fair enough.”

He knew you weren’t joking. You had dreams, crazy unrealistic dreams, ever since the two of you were children. When he first met you, you had said that your greatest dream was to be abducted by aliens, he had called you silly, saying that aliens would steal your organs if that were to happen. The next time he saw you, you wanted to be a ghost hunter, he called you silly again. Then you surprised him by claiming to have found your true calling; a scientist. He had asked you what kind of scientist, and you merely shrugged your shoulders, “The Jurassic Park ones,” you said. A couple of days later he came to realize exactly what you meant.

“Guess!”

He let out a sigh. “Astronaut?”

“Wrong! I would tell you but you won’t understand.” 

“How—”

“I’ll show you.”

You both watched as two men in suits and sunglasses fought off aliens with intergalactic guns. He knew then, that perhaps you weren’t as weird as he thought you were, he felt like he understood you a little better now. That night he went to bed dreaming about you and him clad in suits and sunglasses.

Soon enough, your enthusiasm for all of those weird worlds and characters that only existed on a screen had rubbed off on him.

“Wouldn’t it be cool… to be them in real life?” You asked in a daze, the tv blinking back at you.

Sugawara’s eyes remained fixed on the television, watching as Ash captured yet another Pokémon. “Like them?” He pointed at the tv. “I don’t think pokémons exist in real life…”

You let out a sigh full of disappointment, too much disappointment for a five-year-old. “I know, but that’s why movies are fun! It becomes real.”

Sugawara glanced at your movie collection near the tv screen. “Is that why you have so many?”

You grimaced at his question. “Well, they’re not mine… They’re my dad’s. But he said once I grow up I can have them!”

The boy nodded in understanding. “Do you watch them with your dad too?”

He immediately regretted his question at seeing your small face fall. He had never seen you with an expression like that, to him, you were all snicker and smiles, fists and shouts. Him being in the receiving end of all of those. It was weird seeing you so, _small_. In his eyes, you were usually a giant, so much bigger than him, going around destroying everything in your path with a menacing grin. And as much as it scared and annoyed him, that day, he decided he preferred you like that.

“No,” you said. “Not recently.”

It became a habit to have a movie night every Friday. Well, until you left.

Unfortunately, he had no way to contact you, so he carried on the tradition as a form of gratitude and acknowledgment of the time you spend together, and of the things you taught him. Unbeknownst to Sugawara, you had done the same.

He still remembered it like it was yesterday. The sky was rapidly getting dark and cloudy, he had a feeling it would start raining soon, so he had carried an umbrella with him just in case. He was on the way to the convenience store after a meeting with Ukai, when he came across a girl sitting on the steps of the outside of the store, her hair obscured her face and she held a folder in her hands. He merely glanced at her. Once inside the store, a thunder resounded up above, rain following soon after. He let out a sigh and thought about the lone girl outside. He didn’t see her with an umbrella or anything that could cover her from the heavy rain. He groaned, why did he have to be such a nice person? With a plastic bag in hand and an umbrella in the other, he stepped outside into the pouring rain. He turned towards the girl, her arms above her head holding a now drenched folder that did little to nothing for her against the downpour.

He stared at the girl’s downturned lips and furrowed brows, at her intense eyes glaring at the sky like they had wronged her and her future children. He looked at the small crystal droplets trailing down her face. The face that appeared in his dreams so many years ago.

Everything after that was a blur, and he found himself dreaming of you again.

“You better not forget me when you’re famous,” he threatened, his mouth curving into a smile.

You barked a laugh. “I’m sorry, what’s your name again?” You tilted your head feigning confusion.

He found himself rolling his eyes, a chuckle escaping his lips. Despite the number of years of being apart and unable to communicate, to him, it felt like you had never really left. You were in the small Pokémon keychain he had dangling from his school bag, in the Men In Black cosplays he’d see in Halloween, in the old DVD rental store at the end of the street, in his memories whenever he would rewatch one of the movies you told him about as kids. 

"I should get you to sign something, and then I'll sell it for an amount that is criminally overpriced!"

* * *

Your eyes scanned over the text one of your friends sent in the agency’s group chat. It was kind of a tradition to celebrate whenever one of them got a big gig or achieved some sort of unthinkable feat for their standards. Or maybe they actually just used the occasion to eat and get drunk. Either way, you always had fun whenever everyone got together. This would be the second time they celebrated in your name, the first one being when you managed to land a gig in a somewhat big, albeit shitty action film as one of the many supporting characters, only to get killed off in the first half of the movie. Truth to be told, you hated the movie and you had only taken the part because you needed to eat. That’s was simply the life of a struggling artist. Former struggling artist. You hoped. 

The ringing of voices and glasses reached your ears before you stepped into the room. You were welcomed by an array of half-eaten foods and almost empty drinks. You spotted the body of one of your friends sprawled over a table. You rolled your eyes at the sight, he always got ahead of himself and it certainly didn’t help that he was a lightweight. Next to him, sat Nishinoya who seemed to be engaged in a competition with Hinata to see who could fill their cheeks the most without choking and passing out. No one seemed to pay attention, happily chatting and drinking away. 

“Hope you guys left enough for me.” You said, eyeing the sad little piece of meat left in the grill.

Several startled eyes turned to look at you. “Ren!”

Tanaka suddenly jerked up, his arms waving in the air like one of those inflatable tube guys. His eyes remained closed as he vigorously echoed your name. 

“Well, look at you not being _late._ ” 

Your gaze landed on the gray-haired boy sitting not too far away. 

“Oh please, I almost slept through my alarm.” You tried to suppress a snicker. 

Sugawara scooted over and made a space for you to sit. Giving him a quick thanks, you made your way around the single V-shaped table and greeted everyone. You plopped yourself down on the chair and noticed a very quiet Tsukkishima to your right, who was apparently too busy on his phone to acknowledge your presence. You leaned over his shoulders, taking a quick peek at this phone screen. 

“Who are you texting?”

His fingers abruptly stopped moving across the keyboard the second he registered your voice, he jerked his phone away from your sight with a quickness that shouldn't be possible. “Can’t you mind your business for once?” He sneered. “Unlike you, I actually have friends outside of this agency.” 

You bit out a laugh at his reaction. You always found him amusing, in the way someone would find an asshole, grumpy cat. Sometimes you'd go out of your way to poke the bear, in retaliation, he would try and embarrass you every chance he could. Unfortunately for him, you had embraced the feeling of shame long ago, and embarrassing you became a feat only few could achieve.

“You sure you ain’t paying them to text you back?” 

He rolled his eyes at you while you snickered. “Like you pay to get cast?” 

Yachi, who sat not too far away, quickly came to your defense. “Hey, you know she can’t afford it!”

Blinking, you thought over Yachi’s words. She wasn’t wrong, so you supposed there was no use in trying to defend your case, instead, you looked at the empty chair beside Tsukkishima. “Where’s Yamaguchi? 

“In the bathroom.” 

You turned towards the grill and went for the remaining piece of meat, carefully picking it up, you were about to finally place it on your plate, saliva almost forming in your mouth, when the sudden loud voice of your manager emerged out of thin air. You flinched at the sudden noise assault and dropped the piece of meat on the floor. You closed your eyes. It was okay. You clenched your jaw in annoyance. I can order another one, you thought to yourself.

“Sorry, we’re late!” 

Behind Takeda trailed Ukai, wearing a sheepish look on his face. “We just came straight from the office, had some stuff to do.” 

Your eyes fell on his face and you frowned. He had this... weird glow to him. It was unnerving, and it reminded you of the face he had when Kageyama went crazy viral, resulting on him landing a bunch of gigs. Ukai was able to get his hands on that super luxury massage chair, which he never stopped bragging about (the same one everyone used behind his back) and a brand new phone. You sniffed the air. It smelled of something akin to excitement, and you had the slight suspiscion that it came from him. Curiosity burned inside you. What even could make him so giddy? You didn’t know, but you were going to make him tell you tonight. 

The company duo found themselves a seat while Ukai complained about how little food there was left.

“Blame those guys.” You pointed towards the shortest people present in the room (besides you). Two sets of heads shot up in surprise, little grains of rice littered the corners of their mouths. 

Kageyama, who had the misfortune of sitting next to Hinata The Culprit, quickly put his hands up declaring his innocence. “I have nothing to do with this.” 

You rolled your eyes in amusement. “He’s innocent.” Kageyama nodded his head as if reaffirming your statement. 

Ukai squinted his eyes, not at the chipmunk looking duo, but at the man passed out next to them. 

“Is he alive?” 

Daichi, who had chosen to stay silent until now, piped up. “Tanaka? Yeah, he’s fine.” 

“Make sure to keep an eye on him, or Hirano’s gonna give him an earful again.” 

Everyone visibly tensed. For a petite woman, Hirano was rather scary. The gods had come together to curse a couple of you and have Hirano work as your publicist. She had been assigned to the ones that, according to Ukai and Takeda, were the most likely to accidentally destroy their own public image and thus career. Most of you found her annoying, uptight and overbearing. Though Tanaka, Noya, Kageyama and you constantly complained about her both to the duo, your efforts were completely futile. Not only was she the only person skilled in Public Relations, but she was a long time friend of Ukai's father, and had been working with him since the beginning of the agency's inception. She was untouchable. And as much as you hated it, she was one of the reasons the company even managed to stay afloat.

“Is it me or…”

“Nope.” You said, “I see it too.” 

Sugawara turned to you, mouth twitching in a small smile. “Maybe he got a date?” 

“You think someone's insane enough to go out with him?”

The gray-haired boy stifled a laugh.

“Ukai-san!” Hinata loudly called. “What’s up with your face?”

His unexpected comment had caught everyone’s attention. The man could feel the beads of sweat drip down his face, and he swore the yellow lamps above him had never burned that bright. He looked helpless for a second, eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights. He quickly cleared his throat in order to hide the growing uneasiness. “This is my only face.” He glanced at Takeda and his wavering smile. He wasn’t worried about himself, no, he was worried about _him_. One more second and he was _sure_ Takeda would’ve spilled everything. 

“Come on! Just tell us already.” You said, huffing in exasperation. You were sure that at least half the table had noticed at this rate, so why did they even bother hiding it anymore? 

Takeda’s eyes gleamed with excitement. “Shall we?” 

By now, everyone was sporting different frowns on their faces, ranging from confusion to anticipation. You almost wanted to reach over and shake him like a ragdoll until he spat out whatever it was.

Ukai let out a sigh and nodded. “Okay, kids. Gather up.”

He sounded serious, perhaps a little too serious. You immediately came up with tons of scenarios. Maybe he had a girlfriend you had never met, could he be marrying, then? Or worse, having a baby? A family was bound to keep you busy, especially when you have a newborn to take care of. Could he be leaving the agency? 

“We’re gathered, though." Kegayama pointed out.

You squeezed your eyes shut. 

“We’re moving.”

“Please, don’t leave us!” You instantly cried out. 

Your abrupt outburst caused the rest to widen their eyes in alarm. A copious amount of voices filled the room. Hinata, Yachi, Nishinoya and Tanaka (who you think _just_ woke up) cried alongside you, while others asked question after question, valid concerns about their now uncertain fate and their future empty bank accounts.

“My career is over!”

(“What career?” Tsukkishima mumbled to himself.)

“Does that mean we’re jobless?” 

“Are you breaking up with us?” Tanaka sniffled.

“Ukai-san, I’ve got rent to pay!” 

“How am I gonna feed my cat?”

“You can’t leave! Who’s gonna hire him?! He’ll just starve and die!” Hinata asked in tears, pointing to the black-haired boy next to him.

Kageyama blinked. 

Ukai’s eyes crinkled in amusement. “Now, now. You are all are over-reacting. This is a good thing!”

 _Oh my god, he hates us,_ you thought. You were half-expecting him to say “ _It’s not you, it’s me.”_

Cries of broke desperate souls resounded around the room. You thought about your short-lived career, you had finally gotten a taste of praise and success, only for a _man_ to rip it away from you, a man you trusted. And you thought about Hinata’s words, poor Kageyama, how was he supposed to land gigs by himself? The poor boy had the social skills of a--- no, he simply didn’t have any social skills. You sighed in anguish.

Takeda clapped his hands in a sad and pathetic attempt to catch everyone’s attention. “You’ve got it wrong! We’re not leaving!” He waved his hands around in distress. 

Slowly, the jarring sounds of despair settled down. 

“Please, let me explain.” He said, before letting out a big sigh. “These past two years we have grown a lot, some of you have reached levels of success that we thought impossible,” he observed the table, his clients, the very ones that he had grown to cherish and think of as family. “And slowly but surely, we have built a small but good reputation within the industry. Ren’s film was just the final push and now some agencies have shown interest in both us as an agency and you as talent,” he clasped his hands. “One of them being FDA.”

Your jaw dropped. 

_He’s got to be kidding._

“FDA? Like, _the_ FDA?” Daichi voiced your thoughts. 

Ukai nodded. “That’s the one.” 

You gaped at him, struggling to form your words. "I-Is this a joke? Cause' if it is, it's terrible and I hate you."

“I think I'm gonna pass out,” Yachi mumbled. 

Hinata scratched his head in confusion. “Wait, what’s FDA?”

“Oh, nothing. Just the biggest entertainment agency in the country,” Tsukkishima said. “Which is also happends to be under a very well-known international corporation.”

The orange-haired boy seemed to vibrate with excitement. "That's _soo_ cool!"

“Okay, okay. But what about FDA?” Sugawara asked eagerly.

“Oh, yes,” Takeda adjusted his glasses. “They want us to work with them, or under them, I guess.” 

Understanding dawned on you. “Oh, _oh._ They want to buy Karasuno?”

“Not completely. We’d become a---”

“Subsidiary!” You interrupted, pointing your finger in the air. You didn't know business, at all. But you had managed to pick up a thing or two from hours of listening to your sister's late night study sessions. Sugawara looked at you with a hint of surprise, you returned him with a proud smile.

Hinata discreetly leaned towards Kageyama. “What’s that?” He asked in a hushed tone.

Kageyama huffed. “Dumbass.” 

“You don’t know, do you?”

“Shut up.”

After thoroughly explaining the whole situation, (or dumbing it down, as Tsukkishima called it) everyone was left with a sense of relief, moving past their short panic like it had never happened. 

“Seems like a pretty nice deal to me.” You raised your eyebrows. “Are you gonna take it?”

“Well, we wanted to tell you first before coming to a decision,” Ukai replied. “You’ve all made Karasuno what it is today, so it’s only fair to take your opinion into consideration.”

Silence fell like a weightened blanked, wheels turned in heads and doubt filled the delicate atmosphere. It was a crucial decision, and it's outcome could lead to a precarious situation. It wasn't just the company being gambled, but everyone's career.

It only took you a minute to come to a conclusion. “Well, I’m down.” You said with a grin, joy beginning to fill your body.

Eyes met across the table, studying facial expressions and looking for signs of disapproval. It seemed to you that everyone was on the same page here.

“So am I.” Daichi nodded.

Ukai took note of the content look on everyone’s faces. “It’s settled then.” 

You were so ready to pop champagne bottles and dance on the table. Karasuno was finally getting its glory back and you were beyond excited, this meant new opportunities not only for you, but for your friends as well. 

Tanaka conjured a bottle of sake out of nowhere, --you wondered if he was a part-time magician-- and popped it open with a flick of his wrist. “Let’s celebrate!”

After a couple of rounds and some empty bottles, half the table looked like they were seconds from passing out, a rosy tint present on their faces. You pushed your cheek on the table, grimacing as you thought about tomorrow’s hangover, the tune of a familiar song reached your ears, suddenly your foggy thoughts were cleared by the sound of Nicki Minaj’s hit song coming from the restaurant’s speakers. You gasped, mumbling something along the lines of "I love that song", with your mind in a blurry haze, you closed your eyes and began to quietly recite the lyrics by memory as best as you could.

Very few people knew of your liking towards her music, you couldn't help it! They were just fun, badass and insanely catchy. So like all good things that you liked, Hirano prohibited you to indulge on it in public. 

Tanaka choked out a small laugh, trying not to startle you. He grabbed his phone and opened the camera. He stared at your closed eyes in wonder, and the way your mouth seemed to move in automatic as if it were programmed to recite the words. He couldn't understand a single word you were muttering --partly due to the drool dripping down your mouth-- and barely managed to catch a string of words that seemed to form something like "King Kong".

He suddenly felt like crying. 

Hinata frowned in astonishment. “Someone said King Kong?” His gaze landed on Tanaka, who was recording you while tears welled up in his eyes.

You had half a mind to know you were a slurring mess, you only hoped Nicki Minaj could forgive you for mutilating her verse, but man, you were just so _tired,_ you couldn't bother to care about how you skipped some words and or how you mispronounced them. Luckily for Tanaka, he stopped recording right before you had decided to give up on the song. He hiccuped and snickered to himself, the phone’s bright screen illuminating the wicked grin on his face. Hinata watched as the man’s fingers moved across the keyboard.

Hinata gasped. “Tanaka-san, don’t post that!” His loud voice instantly startled everyone, previous half-lidded eyes snapping open. 

Tanaka froze. He could feel everyone's eyes on him, watching like a predator ready to pounce. His fingers flew across the keyboard, rivaling the speed of light. Hinata and Daichi instantly lunged at him, trying to pry his hands open, but he refused to back down and only clutched the phone tighter. Inside his camera roll, he had a jewel. A jewel he just _had_ to share with the world. Where others went back to lounging around, not caring about your potentially ruined reputation, Hinata, Daichi, and now Sugawara played tug of war with the man's cellphone. 

Entering the room, Yagamuchi took in the sight before him, half of his friends laid on the table, forehead and cheeks pressed against the surface, the other half was currently occupied trying to physically restrain Tanaka, while the remaining ones acted unbothered as if everything around them was white noise.

His face contorted in absolute confusion. “What did I miss…?”

You lazily opened your eyes, a small smile drawn on your face. "Oh, there you are.”

* * *

You woke up with a pain that made you want to enter a comatose state. Nursing a headache was probably one of the things you hated the most, along with loud chewing and misogyny, so it was no surprise to find you more snappy than usual. Walking to the kitchen of your small apartment, you tried to remember last night’s events, racking your brain as hard as you could. Memories downed on you like a bucket of cold water, you recalled Ukai's announcement which still felt like a fever dream to you. It seemed to good to be true, and you were afraid you'd wake up any second now, the promise of better days nothing more than fragments of your imagination.

Whatever last night was, it was a shame that the others hadn’t joined in to celebrate, but you supposed there would be another time. No, you knew there would be another time. Another time where you no longer lived paycheck to paycheck, another time where you finally found some sort of steady success. Your body almost vibrated in anticipation. You couldn’t remember the last time you were this excited, this _hopeful._ Like a light shining at the end of the tunnel, your eyes lit up by your own yearning and ambition. But you weren’t there just yet.

Back then, you thought the world was at your fingertips. Growing up meant realizing you weren’t the only one with big dreams, you weren’t the only one who possessed a grotesque desire to succeed and conquer. Your world had morphed into one of giants, and you bitterly found yourself getting smaller.

The universe had given you a flicker of hope, and it was enough to reignite a flame inside you. You were willing to fight, to open up a path for yourself. If success wouldn’t find you, you would to everything in your capability to find it yourself.

It was addicting. A small drop of it fell on your tongue and you'd begin craving and _craving,_ a poison that could lead to peridition if not careful. As addicting as it was, it was also evanescent, momentary. Some people thought it had something to do with luck, with destiny, with the natural course of things. _If it's meant to be it's meant to be._ You thought otherwise. You saw it as something to be seized, something to be touched and molded with the roughness of your fingers until they bled. And so you pitied those who found themselves in the momentum, at the top of the world, only to let it slip though the cracks, vanished from their own hands as it had never existed, leaving nothing but whispers of what ifs echoing in their place.

You couldn't let that happen to you, you wouldn't. 

You'd come to learn the universe has little regard for its rules.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tsukki texting the textman for texts  
> yes ur also a barb deal with it.
> 
> edited, if you read it before... no you didn't.  
> 02/22


	2. movie night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you visit the new building, meet someone, and do some thinking.

You marveled at the sight before you. Towering skyscrapers stood among the sea of people like imposing guardians. You looked down at the busy streets, cars coming and going as they pleased. You thought back to the old one-floor studio Ukai rented, rather than an agency building, it looked more like someone’s art studio (because it was), the walls still held onto the previous owner’s presence, it seemed; dried paint littered the floor and the ceilings, and no matter how many times Ukai tried to remove the stains, they wouldn’t bulge. It annoyed him to no end, but you felt that it was part of its overall charm, molding walls and all. It might have not been the most professional looking place (at all), but it incited a place of belonging, a sense of welcoming that could not be found anywhere else.

FGA however, gave off a completely different feeling. Standing at ten stories tall, it looked as intimidating as ever; starting from the second floor, several glass panels covered one edge of the surface, black granite enveloping the remaining sides, acting as a façade; long and rather thin parallelogram shapes were carved into the stone, giving an opening to the windows that hid behind it. It looked both modern and professional, and it made you feel like an insignificant betta-sized fish, worth nothing against the vicious sharks that resided inside.

Still, you were a sucker for tall and pristine buildings.

“This is so much better than your old place.”

Takeda let out a snicker. “No need to point out the obvious.”

“I still can’t believe there’s a café here,” You shook your head in astonishment. “I could get used to this.”

“I heard there’s also a spa.”

You looked at him with inquisitive eyes. “Oh, c’mon. You’re….”

Takeda raised his eyebrows at you, forehead creasing.

“…Serious?” You made a mental note to ask the lady at the reception about it. Just what else was in this building?

You made your way around Takeda’s new glass desk, a complete opposite of the old mahogany desk he used to share with Ukai.

“So, why’d you call me here?”

Takeda adjusted his glasses, out of habit or nervousness, you weren’t sure.

“Well, you know FGA is pretty known, so they have a reputation to maintain, which means,” he grimaced. “Mandatory media training.”

You made a face. “Mandatory?”

“Yes, all of you.”

You thought back to all the times Hirano gave you an earful for your lack of caution and recklessness, whether it would be regarding social media or real life. She often kept you on a short leash and you often found it extremely annoying.

You rolled your eyes. “What am I supposed to learn? Hirano already made sure to drill everything into my brain.”

“A lot, actually,” he clasped his hands together. “She taught you the bare minimum, and I doubt you even remember half of it.”

“Whatever,” You grumbled.

“Oh, and—” He adjusted his glasses— “I don’t know if the others have already told you but…” You quirked an eyebrow at his sudden nervousness. “Some of the guys will be changing agencies.”

Your face contorted into a frown. “What do you mean changing…agencies?” You narrowed your eyes. “How come?”

“That was part of the deal.”

You pursed your lips, feeling a little dejected. You wanted to see Karasuno rise, but you wanted to do it together, as a team. And now your team was getting split up.

“So where are they going?”

Your manager let out a sigh. “Some of them are going into Nekoma or Shiratorizawa. Nishinoya and Tanaka will be going to Fukurodani, under the music division. They’ll finally get properly signed.”

You suppressed a snort. You knew Takeda was persistent, and when he wanted something, all sense of inhibition completely flew out of the door. You couldn’t even imagine how many times he’s done that for any of you. 

“Signed to a record label, huh. Also part of the deal?”

A dash of confidence flashed across his eyes. “Yup.”

“Alright,” you walked towards the door. “If that’s all, I’ll be going. I saw the café downstairs has a new menu and I’m _starving_.”

“Yes, that’s all,” he waved his hand in dismissal. “Oh, and classes start next week. I’ll text you the details.”

You nodded. “See you then!”

* * *

Staring at your phone with a frown, you wondered how none of your friends had said anything yet. You considered mentioning something in the groupchat but ultimately decided against it, perhaps they were keeping it a secret for now? Either way, you thought it wasn’t your place to tell, but _still._ How did they manage to keep their mouths shut? Especially Tanaka and Noya. _Especially Tanaka and Noya._ Getting signed under and represented by one of the biggest entertainment companies was a huge deal, and yet, you hadn’t heard a beep from them.

_Ding~_

You let out a sigh and walked into the elevator, still too engrossed in your phone.

Maybe you should text them individually? You shut your eyes tightly and shook your head. Sometimes you were too curious, too annoyingly curious.

Whatever, a little text wouldn’t hurt.

“ _Noyaaaa_ ” you began, fingers tapping over the keyboard. “ _Has Takeda-san talked to you lately?”_ You stood there for a moment, re-reading your message. No, that was obvious, you wanted to keep it casual and natural, and not like you were purposely baiting him at all.

You tried again. “ _Have you been to Takeda-san’s new office? It’s so cool!”_

_Ding~_

“ _The view from the 6 th floor is—_”

A body suddenly bumped into your shoulder, throwing you a little off balance. You snapped your head in utter annoyance.

“Hey, watch it,” you said pointedly through gritted teeth. 

The man turned around in feign surprise, lips slightly parted.

“Oh, sorry. Didn’t see you there.”

You rolled your eyes. Didn’t see you there? Yeah, right.

You sneaked a quick glance at him; clad in a black leather jacket and a white band shirt underneath, a Gucci belt hugged around his thin waist, black ripped jeans—your eyes fixated on his waist again. Shit, was that real Gucci?

“…Thought maybe you shouldn’t stand in front of the doors.”

You whipped towards him in disbelief, aggravation slipping into your tone. “I wasn’t!” You fought the rising warmth that crawled onto the tip of your ears. Did he catch you staring at him? Your embarrassment rapidly washed away when you remembered what caused you to check him---err, look at him, in the first place.

This guy just comes out of nowhere, _bumps_ into you, and then says it’s your own fault. Was this just the treatment that comes with working under a huge company? Or was it because you were new here? You wondered if he could tell, you hoped he didn’t.

“Yeah…” He slightly pursed his lips, eyes twinkling with amusement. “You were.”

_Ding~_

You turned towards the front and exhaled a small breath. _Ah_ , to deal with more guys like these, you were _so_ excited to be part of FGA. You had to remind yourself people worse than him were everywhere, this was a test by the universe, you just had to be polite and not bite his head off at the slight provocation. There was no need for that, it’s not even afternoon yet.

You focused back on the screen and resumed your text.

 _“…amazing! I also heard—”_

From the corner of your eye, you glanced at the man standing next to you and found his eyes piercing through your skull.

“Weirdo.” You mumbled loud enough for him to hear. Maybe that way he’ll get a grip and feel ashamed about staring holes into a random girl.

He gave a low airy chuckle in return.

You clenched your jaw. Remember, the universe was testing you, and you needed all the good karma points you could get.

Your fingers moved across the keyboard.

 _“…that there’s a spa somewhere. Don’t know if that’s—_ ”

You felt his burning gaze on your profile. You were about to open your mouth to bluntly ask what was his problem when the sound of his voice filled the small space between you and him.

“Have we met before?”

You felt as if your eyes had almost been stuck in the back of your heard from how hard you rolled them.

“ _No_. No, we have not,” your tongue itched to spit it out, but you _had_ to be nice and polite, you were the new—“I think I would’ve remembered as someone as annoying as you.”

There, you said it.

Did you feel bad? Maybe just a little.

“Ah,” he snapped his fingers. “I remember now, from that Miura Haruki film!” He exclaimed, making a blithe disregard of your comment as if it had come in one ear and slipped through the other.

You stared at him, feeling a little unsettled. “Uh, yeah.”

A lopsided grin took over his face. “You were really good, by the way.”

You hummed and avoided his eyes, suddenly finding the grey steel elevator walls more interesting. “Thanks.”

 _Please don’t talk to me,_ you wanted to say.

**_Ding~_ **

One floor to go.

“So, how are you liking it here?” he asked in a curious tone.

You narrowed your eyes. So he knew after all. He was somehow able to pick you out in the sea of thousands of faces that worked in any of these ten floors. You wondered if you exuded an air of unfamiliarity, like when you move into a new city and all the locals can notice you’re a foreigner even though you’re doing the same thing as everyone else, it was kind of scary, actually. It’s like they either had a radar or a really good sense of smell. Or maybe he had just read the news.

You spared him a glance. “You could tell?”

He took a step towards you, hazel irises glimmering under the ceiling light. You felt like your fight or flight response was about to kick in.

“’Course I could. Everyone’s over at Shiratorizawa or Fukurodani. And I know their faces well enough.”

**_Ding~_ **

You both stepped out of the elevator. For some reason, you almost expected him to follow you, but instead, his voice called out to you from behind.

“See ya’ around!”

You craned your neck, his hands shoved deep in his jeans and that lopsided smirk still etched on his face. You pursed your lips and threw him a lazy piece sign.

“Yup.”

You didn’t even catch his name. And you were kind of glad.

Unlike him, you couldn’t shake off the strange, confound feeling of familiarity that formed in the pit of your stomach.

He watched your retreating back disappear into the hallways, a curious grin forming on the corner of his lips.

* * *

You walked into the café, more like a restaurant, really. Though it didn’t look like one of those super pricey and fancy places, but like a place to hang out and have a nice, quick meal. You found it to be surprisingly large, high stool chairs stood off to the side, facing the windows, small round tables littered the middle of the area, while couches and sofas extended into the far right of the building, some of them attached to the walls. You approached the bar counter, admiring the different pastries that were showcased underneath. You were so tempted to buy that one cute cherry cupcake; it looked so good, with the baby pink frosting, adorned by little colorful sprinkles, and the--- No! You chastised yourself, you wouldn’t let capitalism win today. You were already getting this expensive Frappuccino, and it was true that you were simply another slave to the corporate society, but you liked to think you knew where to draw your limits, (no, it wasn’t self-control. It was called living on a budget.)

Consumerism wouldn’t catch you slipping, not again.

A sudden voice brought you out of your thoughts; you turned around to find a smiling Sugawara walking over.

You returned his smile, as you always did. “Oh, hey. What’s up?”

“Not much, Takeda-san wanted to meet, probably to talk about the new policy or something.”

“Same here. His new office is great though and—” He motioned with a jerk of his head for you to turn, and you found the girl behind the counter waiting for you. You gave her an apologetic smile and quickly ordered.

“By the way, are you still on for tonight?”

“Oh, sure!” You raised your arm, grabbing the drink from the barista’s hand. “We haven’t hung out in a while and I feel kinda bad, since you have no friends and all.”

“Hey, I have friends!” Sugawara pouted. “They’re just busy. Anyway,” He craned his neck, peeking behind him. “I should probably get going.”

You took a sip from your very expensive Frappuccino. “Have fun up there. Don’t get vertigo.”

He exhaled a smile. “And don’t be late! Or you’re paying for dinner!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” You dismissed him with a wave. “Bye!”

He turned around in a hurry and waved goodbye. The last thing you heard as he walked away were faint traces of his laughter. 

* * *

You opened your laptop with a concentrated look on your eyes. Running into that tall man from earlier had left you a little unnerved and confused, but for some reason, that quick off-handed mention about the other agencies had left you wondering some things. For example, just how many companies did FGA own? It seemed to you that everyone was scattered all over the place, instead of being gathered into just one single company. Now, you weren’t an expert in business or anything like that, so you decided to do some research in order to have a more firm grasp of the situation.

A simple google search led you to over 15 open tabs.

So from what you had gathered so far, FGA, which stood for Fukurodani Group Academy, is an agency and record label (you knew that), it had a couple of subsidiaries, aka, they spent a bunch of money in buying other companies, kind of like Disney. Some of these being Nekoma, which you realized was exclusively a modeling agency, and Shiratorizawa, which represented from film and theater actors to media personalities (you didn’t know that). They also had another company that specialized in advertising, as well as producing a variety of visual contents. Which, cool. But you didn’t care about that right now.

You frowned; some of your questions had been answered, but not all of them. So you decided to dive deeper into the company’s website, you recalled Takeda had mentioned that they had a music division, so with that little clue, you continued your research. Clicking in the section that showed their repertoire of actors, you mindlessly scrolled through the pictures of endless celebrities, hoping for something to catch your eye. Your prayers must’ve been answered because not a second passed when a familiar face made you halt.

Slender fingers donned in silver rings rested on his temple, lidded hazel eyes that stared at you from the screen of your laptop. Your breath hitched.

It played like a movie reel in your head.

_“Come on, check them out!”_ You saw the hopeful look on Nishinoya’s face.

“ _Their new song is amazing!_ ” You saw Hinata bouncing up and down.

 _“They’re really cool, I think you’ll like them.”_ You saw Tanaka’s wide smile.

And you saw his pixelated face on a tiny screen, and then his body standing next to yours.

_Ah…_

Well, now things made better sense. That could perfectly explain the weird feeling you got when seeing him, because of course, you _had_ seen him before, somewhat. You felt your mind clear, as if the fogginess had finally dispersed. 20/20 vision, that’s what you thought it felt like. Emphasis on the word “thought”, you had never actually experienced it yourself.

You hovered on his picture, and a small box of information next to his name popped up. It listed down the date of his debut, some of the titles of his singles and his filmography.

Filmography? _Wait._ Hold on. **_Wait._**

You opened another tab and typed his name, your screen instantly became plastered with information about him. 22, Japanese, Actor and Musician.

Actor _and_ Musician.

You sat back and blinked, understanding dawning on you for the second time that afternoon.

 _That’s gotta be one hell of a resume_ , you thought.

Your phone’s alarm disrupted you from your revelation, the clock letting you know that it was time for you to make your way over to Sugawara’s place. He had threatened you to pay for dinner if you were late, and truth to be told, you couldn’t even bother to remember your bank account’s balance, too scared to even log in and find it in the negatives. You let out a sigh. You should’ve gotten with that rich guy your sister introduced you to years ago. Maybe that way you wouldn’t worry about being broke. You shook your head. _No._ You were damned if you’d let a man think he had power over you for the sole reason of money, money wasn’t even real!

Money wasn’t real, but if it was, you would’ve used it to buy a dozen of those cherry cupcakes.

* * *

You arrived at Sugawara’s apartment earlier than he had expected.

“Hold on a sec!” He yelled from his room, hastily putting on his socks.

He opened the door, your eyes instantly zeroing on his feet clad in the face of Hello Kitty.

You quirked an eyebrow. “Nice socks.”

“Shut up.”

“Hey,” You threw your hands up innocently. “I’m serious. I think they’re nice,” you said, changing into the house slippers. “In fact, I like them so much, I might just steal them from you~.”

He shook his head in amusement. “You don’t want that. They’re stinky.”

You made a face feigning disgust and he laughed at how dumb you looked.

Walking further into the small studio apartment, you instantly noticed the lack of noise in the atmosphere.

“Where’s Daichi?”

“Rehearsals. He probably won’t come back until late.”

You plopped yourself on the couch and reached for the remote. The sound of Netflix’s logo resounding in the room. “What do you feel like watching?”

Sugawara shrugged. “Something fun?”

“Horror?”

You turned your head towards the kitchen’s entrance, where he had disappeared to the second you came through the door. And there he stood, staring at you, eyes holding all the disapproval in the world.

“That’s not fun.”

You looked back towards the tv. “It is for me.”

In the end, you both settled on a psychological thriller about a woman trying to make her husband’s life a living hell. So far, you thought it was pretty interesting. A woman taking revenge on her husband for no particular reason? That sounded like a box office success.

“She’s kind of crazy,” Sugawara muttered.

“I think she’s great.”

The antagonist was right in the middle of finishing an Oscar-worthy monologue when a sudden _ping!_ ringed out.

Sugawara reached for his phone. “Oh, that must be the food.”

You paused the film. “What did you order?” 

“You’ll see.”

It ended up being pizza, which, wasn’t such a shocker to you. You couldn’t even be mad, to be honest. You had a deep appreciation for Italian cuisine, and also Italian hand gestures. You just thought Italians were cool people, and you would be forever grateful to them for introducing pasta to the world.

The credits rolled, and you and Sugawara sat unblinkingly, not daring to move. You had just experienced a cinematic masterpiece. An array of conflicted emotions ran through you, but in the midst of that, you still found yourself understanding, and somewhat empathizing with the antagonist of the film. It was moments like this when you loved your job and what it entailed, to bring these type of characters and stories to life, that made the viewer want to ram their head against a wall or stare off into space processing what just happened.

The sound of a phone call brought you out of your own marveling.

“Is that yours or mine?”

“I think yours.”

You got up, scrambling to find your phone which had somehow gotten lost in the inner edges of the couch. Sugawara dipped his hand in one of the corners.

“Oh, found it!”

He handed you over the device. You quickly thanked him and took the call without bothering to look at the name flashing on the screen.

“—Yes, just set it on the desk, thank you.” You heard a shuffling of papers coming from the receiving end.

“Uh, Yua?”

“Oh, Ren!” She exhaled a heavy sigh. “Yes, sorry. I’m at work right now.”

You furrowed your eyebrows. “What’s up? Why did you call?”

“Right!” she said, her chirpy tone slightly faltering. “I’d rather do this in person but, I’ve been very busy lately and I don’t know when we’ll be able to meet.”

“O-kay…. What is it?”

You scratched the back of your head; There was a faint wavering in her voice that told you that something was off, and you had no idea what it could be. She paused for a moment, and you could barely make out the sound of her breaths through the phone.

“Dad called.”

Your movements halted, taken aback. Slowly, you dropped your arm back down.

“Wh—What do you mean by that?”

Sugawara sent you a quizzical look from the kitchen, having heard the conversation.

“Yeah, well. He’s been trying to call me for a couple of months now. I kept turning him down but, he’s very persistent and I’m telling you because it’s very possible that he might call you too.”

“What does he want?”

“What do you think absentee parents want?” she huffed.

You began pacing around the apartment, the frown on your face deepened. It had been so long since the last time you talked, _so_ long. So long that you only had a faint memory and often times it felt like it had never even happened in the first place.

“After all these years…?”

“I know, I _know._ But, Ren… Maybe we should give him a chance?”

You shook your head. “No, _no_. Yua, what the hell? Why couldn’t he have done this sooner? I mean, isn’t it weird that he suddenly wants to reconnect after— I don’t know, we’re finally in a good place in our lives?” You asked bewildered.

_How dare he?_

“I know what you’re thinking, but we don’t know what are his true intentions. And he sounded… very regretful on the phone.” She sighed. “Just… if he _does_ call you, don’t turn him down, okay?”

You pursed your lips.

“Please, for me? Just—uh, hear him out, and if you want nothing to do with him after that, it’s fine.”

“I’ll… think about it.”

“Thank you.” You couldn’t see her but you were certain she was smiling right now.

A short _beep_ indicated that the call had ended. You drew in a breath and sat back down, your shoulder blades feeling heavier than usual; you felt bitter and frustrated, a sense of aggravation slowly engulfing your whole body. You used the tips of your fingers to pull at the skin on your temple. The more you thought about it the more irritated you got, you weren’t lying to Yua when you had told her you’d tried, but just picturing his distorted voice coming from your phone made you want to hurl that thing across the room. You just didn’t think you’d be able to stay true to your word. Maybe next time, or perhaps never, (if you had it your way).

Sugawara observed the scene from the kitchen. He looked at your slumped back and your restless legs. He approached you cautiously, as if you were a little animal that would spring away at the first sight of movement.

“Are you okay?” he asked, concern dripping from his tone.

You freed your head from your hands. “Uh, yeah.” Slowly, you straightened your back until it touched the couch. “Yua said that, uh, Dad wants to reconnect, or something.” You shook your head. “It’s stupid, I don’t—I don’t even know where to begin.”

Sugawara took a seat next to you. “Your dad? You haven’t seen him since,” he paused, “Since we were kids, right?”

You hummed.

You hadn’t seen him since you were a child, a dumb, naïve little child trying to find your way, trying to understand society’s expectations and what it meant for a little girl like you. Growing up, you had never been too close with your father, but he had introduced you into the magnificent world of make-believe, he had uncovered your eyes and shown you the amazing things movies had to offer. Perhaps it wasn’t much for him, but it meant everything to you. He’d put on one of the VHS tapes he’d buy whenever he went abroad, and you would stare at the small screen with admiration in your eyes, for once in your short life, _you felt small._

You resented him, as all girls that were abandoned by a parental figure would. You resented him, and you resented what he once represented in your life. So you stayed away from the old DVD rental place that he would bring you to, and the VHS tapes that he’d share with you. At some point, you became madder at yourself than you were at him, you realized you couldn’t stand the fact that those stupid little films that you loved growing up had been tainted by the memory of him.

It was a slow process, you learned. Healing. It was something that you keep doing for the rest of your life, or so they say. You had managed to grow out of your teenage anger and pride, you accepted the good things and the bad things. You took them and you embraced them, and you moved on. You thought you were done with that phase of your life. A closed chapter that you refused to revisit. 

You wanted to curse at the sky, at the gods, at whoever controlled the shitty simulation that was your life. You let out a bitter laugh. What a timing, you thought. What a fucking timing he had. You weren’t sure if he wanted to genuinely “reconnect”, you weren’t stupid. You were finally doing something right with your career, and he wanted to make amends?

You rested your head on Sugawara’s shoulder. “I don’t know what to think.” You closed your eyes. “I thought I’d never had to see him again, you know.”

He lightly patted your head, the action soothing your uneasiness just a little. “Are you mad?”

“No. Just annoyed,” you paused for a second, “And confused, I guess.”

His downcast eyes looked at you, and he found himself wishing he could take all your anguish away. He wasn’t there to alleviate your pain when your father first left, and he wasn’t there to help you close the wounds his departure caused, but he was here now. And he was so proud of all the growth you had done, knowing you, it must’ve taken a lot of self-reflecting and inner work, which he knew you weren’t a fan of, but you still did it. And now you carried a small peace of mind that belonged to you only.

He didn’t want your father to take that away. But at the same time, he wanted you to take a step further, and maybe find the closure you never allowed yourself to imagine. To truly forgive and forget. He knew it was not his place to say, but still, if he pushed you in the right direction, maybe you could finally patch things up, to go beyond that one limitation you unconsciously had put on yourself.

“Well,” he started, fingers drumming on his thigh. “I know it’s not my place but, maybe—just _maybe_ , you should take into consideration what your sister said. You don’t _owe_ him anything, at all. But for the sake of closure, and all that, y’know?”

“I don’t.”

“Give it some thought,” he said, roughly ruffling your hair.

You hissed at the violent assault on you and jerked away from his touch. “ _Fine_. I’ll sit on it for, like, 10 minutes. Tomorrow. And that’s it.”

Sugawara snorted at your words. “Are you seriously scheduling your thinking sessions?”

“Huh?” you scoffed. “Of course. Do you think I wanna give myself a headache right now?”

You stretched over Sugawara’s lap in an attempt to reach the remote when you felt him tense beneath you, but it disappeared as soon as it came, his shoulders quickly relaxing.

“C’mon. I’m feeling something funny.”

He looked at you pointedly. “I’m not watching a horror movie.”

“I didn’t mean my funny. I meant your funny, boring funny.”

He gazed at you, the corner of his lips twitching. “You’re kind of mean.”

You plastered on the widest most innocent smile you could muster. “So I’ve been told.”


	3. something about you

You stared at the cute vanilla cupcake from inside the display, little gold stars and silver pearls scattered on top of a perfectly done swirl, you peeked at the price right under it and felt your mouth immediately go dry.

“What is it?”

You almost flinched, the sound of Sugawara’s voice startling you a little. “I feel like every time I come back here the prices go up.”

Sugawara nodded, perfectly understanding of your feelings. “Capitalism will be our demise.”

“It will.” You made a face. “Oh, by the way, this is completely unrelated but… has Takeda-san told you? About the show?”

“Show? What show?” Sugawara’s eyebrows shot up in confusion.

“Y’know the—” You peered behind him, easily spotting Hinata’s figure. “Hey, Hinata!” You beckoned him over with a wave. “You know about the show?”

The boy met you with blank look on his face.

“What sho—Oh! Yeah, the show!” He piped up, excitement suddenly oozing out of him.

Sugawara narrowed his eyes. “Am I missing something?”

You turned to Sugawara and sent him an empathic smile. “Yesterday night Takeda-san sent out an email saying that we got invited, well, we as in,” you vaguely motioned with your hand. “All of us in the agency, to this show that Kageyama is walking, _which—“_

“No one knew about!” Hinata said in exasperation.

“No one knew about.” You repeated with pursed lips. “There’s limited tickets, it’s a first come first served kind of thing, so if you want go you should probably talk to Takeda-san.”

“Oh.” His eyes darted around the two of you. “I’m assuming you’re both going then?”

You hummed. “You have to come though, seriously. It’s gonna be fun! We get to act like snobs while criticizing clothes that are more expensive than a school tuition!”

Sugawara couldn’t help but laugh at your comment. He thought it over for a second, he’d never been to a fashion show before, he was sure none of you had, actually. Which was funny, considering one of your friends was a sought after model himself. He glanced at your hopeful smile and then at Hinata’s shining brown eyes.

“Sure, I’ll talk to him. When is it again?”

“Tomorrow.”

His eyes widened in shock, he quickly fished out his phone and dialed Takeda’s number.

You watched him in amusement. “Why don’t you go visit his office instead?”

The gray haired boy broke out into a sudden sprint, hand clutching the phone on his hear. 

* * *

You were a little nervous, to say the least. Mostly because the place was absolutely full of people, very important people at that. The only thing that brought you any sense of comfort was the fact that at least you wouldn’t be experiencing this major feeling of not belonging by yourself. You, Hinata and Sugawara mostly stuck to each other, mostly out of fear of accidentally bumping into some super high-profile person and sequentially making a fool out of yourself, which you were sure would absolutely happen. After twenty minutes of waiting, the lights around you dimmed and the runway lit up, the sheer intensity of it blinding you a little.

Soon enough, music started playing and the show began.

Model after model came out, seemingly unending, pieces of expensive fabric swished as they walked with poise, one foot in front of another, tight-lipped and unmoving eyes. To you, they looked like they’d rather be anywhere else than here. You didn’t know how they did it, thousands of eyes and camera flashes on you, every inch of your body subjected to instant examination, and for what? For the privilege of wearing expensive clothes? When you looked at their faces, you couldn’t see anything beyond dullness in their eyes.

You spaced out, thoughts of wanting to go back home filled your head when the sudden gasp from Sugawara snapped you out. You didn’t catch her in time, her clothed back turned from you, even still, you couldn’t hope but stare at the way her hips swayed rhythmically, her long hair bouncing with every step she took and her shoulders moving along with utmost grace. It was hypnotizing, almost, and you thought you felt a little dizzy. Frustration crept up on you, you hadn’t seen her face, you hadn’t _even_ seen her from the front, but she had already become the highlight of your day. You were blown away, to say the least.

You decided to try and pay full attention from now on, just so maybe you could properly see her the next time she came out, with a frown on your face, you realized that had been her first and last apparition of the day.

The show went on, and every once in a while, you’d get a kick out of the ridiculous outfits that the models were forced to wear. You and Sugawara snickered to each other like high school mean girls, “Is that an actual bird’s nest on top of her head?” he chuckled. “They’re literally a walking Q-tip, oh my god,” you snorted another time. You could even see Hinata cringe at the clothes every now and then.

“Hinata, what would you do if they forced you to wear that?” You motioned to the model donning on an essentially more fashion forward version of a kid’s float, but instead of it wrapping around her arms, it went around her whole body.

Hinata blinked, taking your question in. “I think I’d actually start crying.”

After several minutes of being subjected to visual torture, you started to consider yourself indestructible, no matter what kind of bizarre and unwearable outfit you were forced to see on this damned catwalk, nothing could break you.

Kageyama came out in all his 6’2 glory, his trademarked scowl adorning his features. You didn’t know what it was, the hat being ten sizes bigger than his head, the stupid long sleeves that dragged behind every time he took a step, the red heart-shaped sunglasses that covered half of his face, or the fact that he looked absolutely miserable.

You burst out laughing.

Sugawara turned to you with wide eyes. “Stop, don’t laug—” He bit his lip in an attempt to keep his voice even. You dipped your head, a big silent laugh erupting out of you. “He looks like, _god_ , Willy Wonka’s illegitimate child or something,” you wheezed.

A chocked snort came out of Sugawara, “Shut up,” he said through gritted teeth. “We’re in publi—“

Both your gazes turned to Kageyama as he walked past you, the corners of his lips downturned into an almost frown. You pressed your lips together, seeing him from up close was even funnier than from a distance, the comical outfit he wore made it harder for you to breathe and you felt laughter bubble up from within your chest once again. You shut your eyes tightly and leaned into Sugawara’s trembling shoulder. “I can’t do this,” you muttered. Next to you, Hinata broke into small giggles. The three of you tried to stifle your chuckles out of respect for the event, but every passing second made it incredibly hard to do so. By the time the show ended, you and Sugawara were beat, tired sighs left your lips as people began to stand from their seats.

“That was… awful.”

“I can’t believe we sat through that,” You turned to your other companion only to find an empty chair in his place. “Where’s Hinata?” There was no way you’d be able to find him in this place, not when it’s filled to the rim with people. You were about to give up on your search when you caught sight of wisps of orange hair among the crowd.

“There he is!” You pulled at Sugawara’s arm, dragging him along with you. He glanced at the tight grip you had on his forearm and refrained from mentioning how your nails were almost sinking into his skin.

As soon as his form made itself clear to you, you noticed the tall man he was conversing with. He was so impossibly tall and skinny that you found yourself a bit taken aback by his proportions.

“Ren! Sugawara-san!”

“Hinata! We were looking for you.” You quickly released Sugawara’s arm from your hold.

“Oh, sorry! My bad,” Hinata scratched the back of his head sheepishly. “Guys, this is Lev. Lev, this is Ren and Sugawara-san. He was sitting next to me and we started chatting.”

You raised an eyebrow as you sized him up, _how come I didn’t see him?_

“Wait,” Sugawara stepped from behind you, realization dawning on his face. “You seem awfully familiar, have we… met before?”

Lev blinked owlishly. He wanted to say no, followed by an off-handed comment about how he probably spotted him on a magazine, thus the somewhat familiarity. But the more he looked at Sugawara, he slowly realized that yes, they had met each other, well, if you count sharing a single look from across the room as meeting then, yes. They had met. But he hadn’t _met_ you. He had recognized you from one of his friends name-dropping you, aside from that, he had never seen you before. He thought back to when he had first heard your name, the voice of his friend playing in his head like a broken record. His mouth curved into a knowing smile.

“Yes! I think, at the café, right? You guys go there often?” Lev asked, green eyes darting from Sugawara and back to you.

Sugawara smiled. “Well, we’re with the agency, so that’s kind of a given.”

Lev forced out a laugh. “Oh, me too! What do you?”

“We’re all actors, actually!” Hinata replied.

“Oh! That’s—“ Lev paused, his gaze lost beyond the three of you. He nodded and smiled to some entity none of you weren’t aware of. You turned around out of pure curiosity, only to be met with a sea of different bodies and faces passing by.

“My friend says we’re moving to the after-party,” He then finally looked at all of you, a bright grin on his face. “You guys wanna come with?”

“Well—“ Sugawara started.

“Sure.” You cut him off. “Where?”

“Cool! It’s at Club Ember, it’s not too far away from here, actually. Just bring the show’s tickets and they’ll let you in.”

“We’ll see you there, then! Right, guys?” Hinata beamed.

You hummed. “Yeah.”

Hinata’s eyes twinkled with excitement at the development of tonight’s events. He was over the moon, all right. He was barely invited to expensive clubs, no, he had never been invited to expensive clubs. Because, unfortunately for him, none of his friends were rich, and the ones that happened to have a coin to spare acted like actual hermits. But tonight was perfect, he had his friends’ blessing and free tickets. But first, in order to really make it into one night to remember, he had to convince Kageyama to come along, which was going to be hard, _really hard_. He only hoped his friend was in a good mood.

All things considered, he really doubted it.

* * *

A mixture of cool light tones painted the bodies around you, reminding you of a classic club atmosphere, the only difference being the insanely high prices and criminally expensive furniture. You walked further in and took note of the elegant leather couches dispersed over the black marble floor, you spotted a bar to your right, yellow light seemed to emit from inside a translucent crystal quartz countertop. You almost let pout a whistle, that was indeed a stark difference from your usual, commoner filled, club setting. You felt like you were intruding in a place where you didn’t belong and you were sure you were sticking out like a sore thumb, you didn’t know anything about rich people club etiquette –if there was one–, and you were a little too paranoid about accidentally drinking something more costly than what you could afford. You turned to Sugawara, his brown eyes busied themselves scanning the room, taking everything in.

You tilted your head. “Suga?” Your voice seemed to fall on deaf ears. You moved into his personal space, your face a couple of inches away from his own. “Suga.”

He flinched, his eyes widening at your sudden closeness. “Yeah?”

You took a step back, a satisfied smile forming at the corners of your lips. “Hinata said he’d meet us here, right?”

Sugawara pulled out his phone and confirmed your question with a nod of his head. “Yeah, right after he finds Kageyama.”

“You mean drags Kageyama.”

The grey haired boy made a face. “When you put it like that...”

In the blink of an eye, you both found yourself perched on top of the bar stools, you asked around and were happy to learn that some of the drinks here were free, sponsored by the event.

You were on your third drink when Sugawara got a text from Hinata, saying he had trouble finding the building, so your friend, always being such an altruistic person, went out to find them and then bring them back safely. His selfless action made you tear up on the inside. You knew you could never be like him.

With your palm pressed on your cheek, you began swirling the drink in your hand out of pure boredom, it had been almost thirty minutes since Sugawara left, and you didn’t know why he was taking so long to retrieve your friends.

_Maybe he got lost too?_

You fished out your phone and pulled his contact information, thumb seconds away from pressing the call button when a drink magically appeared in your line of vision. You looked up at the bartender, confusion written all over your face. With a nod of his head he gestured to someone sitting to your left, you glanced over and found a young woman observing you, an inviting smile drawn on her pink lips. You lifted the martini glass, and without breaking eye contact, took a sip, you blinked as the liquid settled into your taste buds, you turned to the drink in your hands; it tasted _expensive,_ if that was even a thing.

“What’s with the long face?”

You almost jumped out of your seat, you weren’t expecting her to come sit next to you, let alone talk to you. “I just hope you’re not wasting a fortune on me,” you said, an awkward giggle escaping your lips.

The young woman let out a soft melodious laugh. You studied her for a second, she had perfectly styled hair and beautiful jade eyes that glinted under the soft artificial lights. What stood out the most to you though, were her model-like cheekbones.

“You looked bored out of your mind,” she said.

You smiled politely. “I was.”

She talked and you listened, opening your mouth to make a comment here and there. You found her presence to be entrancing and her voice alluring, or maybe you were starting to feel the effects of alcohol, if you squinted enough, you could see two heads instead of one. But you didn’t mind, you needed the company and she had some fun stories to share, and for some reason, out of everyone in this room full of highly interesting people, she had chosen you.

“Hey,” she said, her eyes sparkling with eagerness. “Do you want to see something cool?”

You blinked at her sudden proposal, mouth twisting into an unsure smile.

“Is this a normal thing?” You asked, looking up at the countless vintage telephones hanging from the ceiling by their cords.

“Kind of,” she giggled. “Every year the club collaborates with different brands and artists, and they hold these small pop up art exhibits for the public. Not many people know they’re still open at night, though.”

You followed her down the hallway and walked past a large arch lit up by colorful fairy lights, to the sides stood a couple of interesting art pieces, a series of indecipherable neon abstract figures, a massive pink frame with its borders adorned by Barbie’s accessories, a massive glowing egg, and some other things you didn’t bother paying attention to.

“Oh, this is my favorite exhibit!” She clapped in excitement.

You halted your steps and stopped in front of a door. She twisted the door handle and urged you inside, only to find yourself surrounded by complete darkness.

“I can’t see anything.”

“Hold on,” you heard the sound of a switch being flipped. “How about now?”

You were met with a strange sight, in front of you laid a pool filled with thousands of translucent balls; some of them reflected different colors, thanks to the room’s own lighting. You stood there, wondering what exactly was so fantastic about a lit up ball pit when suddenly, you saw a body leaping right into it accompanied by a laugh that resonated across the room.

“What are you waiting for? Jump in!”

You took small steps towards the border of the pit. “Is it safe?”

“’Course it is! Besides,” she said, her voice turning serious. “I would’t let anything happen to you. I don’t want legal trouble.”

“Alright, if I drown in there it’s on you, though!”

You jumped into the pit. You expected to be in at least a bit of pain, but the balls were surprisingly soft and they didn’t painfully dig at your back, you picked one of the balls and squished it, the material, though soft, was not malleable. You wondered how much it’d hurt if you were to throw it at someone.

“Aw! What was that for?!” The young woman turned sharply towards you, her jade eyes wide in shock.

“I was testing a theory! Did it hurt?”

She frowned. “You tell me.” With a velocity that you didn’t expect, she threw a ball straight to your forehead. Her laugh filled your ears as you fell onto your back, body helplessly sinking into the pit. Her chuckles caught in her throat when you emerged with two balls in your hands and a vicious look on your face.

After throwing balls at each other for what seemed forever, she raised her hands in surrender. “Please, I give up! Just stop hitting me!” She pleaded between giggles.

You finally let the balls fall from your hands. “Fine, just because I’m in a good mood.”

“Oh, you’re in a good mood now?” Her smiled widened. “Because of me?”

“Pff, no.” You frowned, but despite your unfriendly expression, the warmth that quickly spread on your cheeks showed the exact opposite.

“You’re all red, though~” she teased. “Are you not?” The woman tilted her head, jade eyes boring into yours.

It was until now that you realized just how close she was to you, her face mere inches away from yours, you could even count the number of lashes –if you had the patience, which you didn’t--, and you could feel her soft breath fanning over your face. Everything around you came to a halt, time slowed down until minutes no longer existed, and a sensation akin to sleep paralysis took rein of your mind and body. The woman seemed to be completely unaffected by the current situation, she had long broken into your personal space, and only moved closer until it was far from being socially acceptable.

The loud sound of an incoming call snapped you out of it, you stumbled back, suddenly feeling light-headed and with a shallow breath, you pulled out your phone from your back pocket, the name of Sugawara flashing across the screen.

“Uh, sorry. I’ve gotta go.” you muttered, not even sparing her a look as you scrambled your way out of the glowing pit.

She watched you walk in hurried steps, answering the phone as if you hadn’t just been spending the time of your life with her.

You closed the door, never once turning back, for all you knew, this could be the last time you saw each other. And truth to be told, as pretty and alluring as she was, you hoped to never see her again. You knew that people like her were dangerous; they had the ability to put you under their spell and fuck you over as many times as they wanted, for their own personal pleasure or to get something out of you. Eventually, you would come to realize that in the world you lived in, people like her were a dime in a dozen.


	4. words matter

There was a time in your life when you could afford to be reckless, to be vocal and unapologetic; a free spirit that somehow managed to bypass over society's radar like a forgotten memory. There was a time when you allowed yourself to be a result of your own unique experiences, even though you were born into an unfair world where censorship and lies warped reality as they chose to, you found relief in yourself and your own truth, you knew what you believed in and what you stood for; you knew who and what you wanted to be. Today, more than yesterday and less tomorrow, you were a step closer to the dream version of yourself.

Today, for the first time in a long time, you couldn't help but dread who you would become.

You dragged your feet to the appointed meeting room. The current situation made you feel like you were a student again, well, you were, technically, you'd learn how to act like a polite and charismatic human being, which you were, but in your special way. Your friends often said you lacked a certain filter between your brain and mouth, you knew what they meant, they meant that more often than not, your words got you into situations that could've been easily avoided if you had simply thought things through before speaking. For you, it felt like a macabre necessity to throw up every thought that dared cross your mind, whether it was good or bad or at the expense of others; it wasn't out of malice, you were simply a victim of "impulsiveness", as you liked to often call it. It wasn't just your thoughts that you unintentionally showcased to the world; your emotions, if intense enough, often got the best of you. To no one's surprise, it would again get you into all sorts of situations because of it, you knew it was a problem you had to work on, hell, you had a whole personality to work on, you were far from perfect let alone likable, but the idea of changing your entire personality for the sake of people that you didn't care about, and that certainly didn't care about you, wasn't something you were looking forward too. 

You walked into an empty room, the blinds were drawn and the lights were off. Had you somehow managed to get earlier than everyone else? Even though you were, according to the scheduled meeting, fifteen minutes late?

This wasn't right. You were never early.

You went back to the entrance and checked the silver nameplate that hung next to the door. _Ah, of course._

Wrong room.

When you had finally found the right meeting place, you noticed that you were in fact, late. Not fashionably late, but embarrassingly late. Familiar eyes followed you as you went to take the closet open seat, giving a quick bow in apology. You didn't need to look around you to know that half of Karasuno was here, instead, you decided to fix your gaze solely on the woman standing tall before you. She came across like the epitome of a respected and accomplished professional, the faint dark circles under her steel-gray eyes and the rigid posture of her body told you something of her character; she scarily resembled one of those military men that trained soldiers for war. Your blood suddenly ran cold. This was, you realized, a sort of boot camp, except this one, was specialized in the department of Communication and Socially Acceptable Human Behavior; you were going to be whipped into shape, into how to speak, how to act, and what to say.

You eyed the window next to you and wondered just how many bones you'd break if you jumped.

"You, the one staring at the window."

You jolted at the woman's sharp voice. "Uh, y-yeah?"

You were not expecting to be called right away, with a small squint of your eyes you wondered if the woman before you was somehow out to get you.

The woman rested her palms on the large wooden table, piercing gaze locked on you like a predator about to pounce on its afternoon meal. Her demeanor did not change at all, her voice, however, took on a softer note, almost honeyed, which only startled you even more.

"So," She subtly cleared her throat. "You and your co-star have exceptional chemistry, which perfectly translates into the screen, of course. But it seems at times a little bit too authentic, is it possible something is going on behind the scenes that you'd like to tell us about?"

You blinked, your mouth now a little agape. Was this a test? A simulated question? You weren't sure if you were supposed to give an honest answer, or make up a complete lie.

So you said the first thing that came to mind.

"Are we like, roleplaying?" You asked dumbfounded.

The woman quirked a brow. "It's a mock question." She didn't miss the small laughter around you. She sent a warning glare to the rest of the table and the little giggles were instantly replaced by complete silence.

"Um, then, that's none of your business…?" You said, the end of your sentence coming out more like a question.

"Is that your answer?"

"Yeah."

The woman backed away from the table and you let out a quiet sigh. It really did remind you of school, and with it the memories that came with it, but not the good ones, instead, it made you relieve the moments the ones where you could feel your heart jump at the sound of your name and your fingers tremble with anxiety. You had never been good when it came to interrogations, especially the ones that put you on the spot.

"Okay. You, over there with the bald head."

"M-me?"

"Your director went on record saying that you two had 'vast creative differences', called you an 'absolute headache' and 'a nightmare to work with'. Is there something you'd like to say about that?"

Tanaka's surprised expression turned into an instant frown. "Wh- huh? What the hell?!"

The woman, instead of chastising him for his choice of words, let out a tired sigh in disapproval.

"Assuming he didn't know about that beforehand, how was he supposed to react, then?" Asked Tsukkishima with a roll of his eyes.

"You don't." Her heels clicked as she walked. "You are not just supposed to say what they want to hear, but how they want to hear it. You see, reporters and interviewers alike, they're…" she paused, looking around room. "To put it simply, they're hunters and you're prey, they breathe and eat new stories, the latest news, at the extent of your person, of your reputation, and thus, your job. Most of them will simply wait for you to slip up, while others will create the opportunity," the woman closed her fist, knuckles turning white. "And when you do, they'll squeeze you dry and you won't even notice."

A serious expression settled into her sharp features, she looked as if she talked from experience, her face told you that she knew the ins and out, and you didn't doubt that she knew more than what her words let on. There was something though, the way she spoke as if she had been a witness of such unbelievable events, and the small glint in her hardened eyes, you weren't sure if she, like the people she talked about, was a born predator, a natural inquisitor, and manipulator. You wondered if a person like that had the blessing—or curse—of having such qualities ingrained into them since birth, or if they too, were created by their own human circumstances.

She quietly placed her slender arms behind her back and paced around the room.

"What about free speech?" Nishinoya asked, his brows drawing together in disbelief.

"Free speech is a luxury." The woman stopped in her tracks. "And unless you're willing to put your career on the line, I wouldn't indulge too much in it. I'll teach you how to gain back control and how to calculate any scenario and its possible outcome based on questions and answers, we'll build your confidence and communication skills until there's no room for hesitation."

Finally, she walked slow steps towards you, the look of determination that settled on her features was enough to send chills down your spine.

* * *

You slammed shut the door to your apartment and kicked off your shoes with a huff, frustration bubbling inside your chest since you had left the agency's building. After a full two hours of mock questions, different scenarios, and being taught how to evade certain topics like a pro, your brain was fried. You were one of the few people that the woman—who went by the name of Tahara—had constantly targeted with impromptu questions, and no matter how many times you answered, you just never seemed to get it right. It was by the tenth question that you wondered if you were doing something wrong because compared to the others, you were failing miserably; you were doing so bad that the woman's pursed lips became a default expression whenever she looked your way.

You replayed one of the first of the many questions directed at you. "It sure has been a long five months of filming abroad, being in a foreign country, a different language and culture, one can't help but feel tired and homesick, is that why there are several reports of you displaying a rude attitude to the staff to the point that a replacement was considered?"

Once again, it had caught you completely off guard. But you thought quickly and decided to take the non-snappy route, despite your efforts, the words that reflected your defensive nature, managed to slip through your lips.

"Oh, um, well. I’m not sure where you heard that but it’s bullshit ~"

You were annoyed at yourself and Tahara, but mainly at her. You tried to please her by changing the tone of your voice, opting for a more friendly approach —which at the end didn't help at all—, you tried using the carefully curated words she insisted you include in your vernacular. "It gives the impression that you're knowledgeable," she said. You weren't even sure what half of those terms meant at all. After the first couple of failures, you decided to try using the long unnecessary sentences she had said were a vital part of derailing a conversation.

Her sharp voice echoed in your head. "If you find yourself on a tough spot, attempt to distract from the original point of the conversation." 

It truly reminded you of college, back when you needed to hit the word limit on an essay, and you'd just start paraphrasing whatever, adding words that sounded fancy but also were completely unnecessary, using that method, you found it extremely easy to go on a tangent. Despite your experience in the art of bullshiting, you still managed to get it wrong. 

Closing your eyes, you flopped onto your bed, a heavy sigh leaving your lips. You racked your brain for a reason as to why Tahara kept dismissing you like that, you did everything she said to do, so why were you the only one doing it wrong? You opened your eyes and stared at the ceiling. You decided this wasn't something worth stressing over, at least not yet, you'd figure it out eventually, and then you'll get the hang of it. But if you wanted to do it soon, you needed someone else's insight, someone that could point out your flaws and hopefully help you fix them.

So naturally, you called Sugawara.

"Did you see the way she was grilling me?"

Sugawara hummed from the other end of the line. "Yeah, I kinda felt bad for you."

"Oh, I'm glad you can spare some empathy," you said, rolling your eyes. "I don't know why she's targeting me, though."

"Well…. I think I might know why."

You squinted your eyes at the sudden revelation. "Go on."

"I mean, it's just an idea! Maybe it's because of the stuff you say?"

Sugawara shrank into himself, expecting you to yell at him.

"Wh—What is that supposed to mean?!" You paused. "…Is there something wrong with what I say?"

"Ah, well," He let out a sigh. "I don't' think there is, but Tahara-sensei might. You're just too straightforward, I guess, maybe a little mean, maybe?" he said, his voice coming out more high pitched than usual.

"Mean?!!"

"Maybe! Hey, I'm used to it, but the media people will probably take it to wrong way…"

You groaned. "I guess I see your point."

"Oh, by the way," Sugawara hesitated on his next words, he could tell you wanted to forget about your current problem, but he wasn't too sure if this was a subject you wanted to revisit. He hoped you weren't too sensitive about it, otherwise, he'd regret ever opening his mouth. "Has your dad… contacted you?"

A short silence followed his question and his eyes widened at your lack of response.

I screwed up.

Maybe you were still bothered about the whole ordeal and didn't want to talk about it. He scrunched his face, just as he was about to start beating himself up for bringing up that topic, the casual tone of your voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

"Nah, I mean, he hasn't called me. I don't know about my sister. And even if he did call me, I'd probably just hang up."

Sugawara breathed an inaudible sigh of relief. "I see. Well, I guess you're on your right to do that."

"Of course I am!" You clenched your jaw. "As far as I know, I don't own him anything."

The phone call with Sugawara went on for another hour, he told you about the series he was currently binge-watching, and you threatened to spoil the ending for him. "I heard he dies at the en—" Sugawara abruptly started yelling, effectively cutting you off. You weren't even able to tell him that it was a lie, that you were just messing with him, because the second you started talking he hung up on you. You stared in awe at your phone's call register.

He actually did it.

Your eyes fell on the incoming notification, a text from Sugawara. You opened it and a grin instantly formed on your face, he had sent you a picture of a distorted cat's face, the words "Shut the fuck up" littered the bottom of the photo. You snorted, ever since the two of you started regularly texting, he began stealing a bunch of the pictures you'd sent him. It didn't bother you at all, if anything, you found amusement in the fact that, either he was trying to appeal to you, or you had straight-up influenced him so much that you warped humor to match yours. You sent him a couple of smiley emojis in response. Sugawara wasted no time answering, his typing bubble appearing and disappearing in a matter of seconds.

_**|** "btw, if what u said it's true, ur dead to me."_

This time, you couldn't help but laugh.

* * *

Days turned into weeks and weeks into a month. Staying true to your words, you had finally found a way to control your word-vomit problem. With the help of Tahara—who you found to be surprisingly nice if treated accordingly—you mastered the art of sweet spoken bullshit. The solution on paper was rather simple, you just needed to hold yourself back, but in action, it proved to be a bit of a challenge. Genuinely considering your words before letting them freely come out of your mouth was a foreign concept to you, but you supposed it was that or risk messing up and saying goodbye to the career you worked so hard on. Soon enough, your calculated words became part of your repertoire. It wasn't like second nature, no, but more like a switch you could turn on and off, you realized there were places where you could let your mouth run wild and some others where you couldn't. It was, at the end of the day, a conscious choice of your part.

You opened Takeda's office door with a proud smirk plastered on your face.

The man looked up from his desk. "Oh, Ren!" he said, mouth curving into a gleaming smile. "It's nice to see you again."

You hummed. "It's been a while since we last saw each other." You made your way to seat in front of his desk and plopped yourself down. "Thought I’d swing by and let you know that tomorrow is my last class with Tahara-sensei."

His brown eyes widened in surprise. "Already?"

"Yeah!" You beamed. "She said I can finally be trusted."

"Who can be trusted?"

You whipped your head at the new voice and found none other than Ukai walking through the door. You sent him a cheeky smile and pointed a finger at yourself. "Me, obviously."

Ukai grimaced. "I'm not sure about that."

"Perfect timing!" Takeda said, clasping his hands together. "I'm glad you're here, because Ukai-san just so happens to have some good news for you."

You looked at the man in question. "You do?"

"Eh," Ukai frowned in confusion, "I do? Oh, I do!" He turned towards you, a small glint dancing on his eyes. "It's very much still a secret but, there are rumors about a film adaptation of _Four Seasons_ , and the production will soon start looking for potential leads. We think you should go for it."

"Oh… that's nice!" You scratched your head. "I don't know what a _Four Seasons_ is. Unless you’re talking about the hotel…”

Ukai let out a sigh in disbelief. "It's a book."

"What's it about?"

He lifted a finger in the air. "It's about—" Ukai paused, his forehead creasing at the sudden realization that he too, had no idea what it was about. "I don't remember. But! I'ts about romance, I think."

You cringed at his words. "I don't like romance."

Takeda jumped to the defense of one of his favorite books. "It’s not romance! You obviously haven't read it," he said with a huff.

You crossed your arms and quirked a brow. "What's it about then?"

"Well… It's a story about two lonely people that get to know each other as the seasons go by," He began, adjusting his glasses. "And on the last season, they have to decide if being each other's company is the key to the, whatever it is, that they couldn't find in themselves." His mouth twitched, he had knowingly omitted certain words due to spoilers, he figured that if you went to read the actual material, you’d surely would rather go in blind, just like he did.

Takeda still remembered the aching feeling on his chest as his fingers turned the last page of the book, he had been surprisingly heartbroken at the bittersweet ending of it. He remembered staring at the ceiling for what felt like hours, his mind blank and his heart heavy. It had been a long time since a fictional story had made him feel so many different things at once. So when he found out about the rumors of there being a possible film, he was ecstatic.

Takeda pursed his lips. "I think that you should go for it. It's a great novel, if you read it I think you'll end up liking it."

You weren't a fan of romance, maybe because you simply had never genuinely experienced it, that, and the fact that you didn't believe that love was delightful and ever-lasting, not in the way that movies said. You had seen the trail of ashes that came with a blazing love, and more often than not, you wondered if a short-lived moment of blissful happiness was truly worth it. Like a lit up candle, eventually, it burned out, and it left nothing but a far different reality from what it once was.

In fiction, you were drawn to the type of love that stung and hurt, and if Takeda promised you something along those lines, perhaps you'd be willing to give it a go.

* * *

The next day, you had woken up early to be the first person to arrive in the usual meeting room. You were giddy at the thought of it being your last day, but you also had gotten so used to her voice and presence, and she had turned out to be kind of a cool person; you supposed a small part of you would miss interacting her.

She was surprised to see you were the first one to show up. The woman turned her body and squinted at your odd behavior. If she knew something about you, it was that you were never early.

"What are you doing here?"

You clasped your hands behind your back. "Well, today’s my last day and… I just wanted to say thanks, I guess."

Tahara raised a brow. "There’s no need to thank me. I'm just doing my job."

"I know, I also know it must've been annoying dealing with me, I mean, even I got annoyed at myself." You crinkled your nose. "But you were nice, I appreciate that."

The woman looked at you, pensive. She guessed you could’ve had a bad experience with someone else, quite possibly someone working in the same profession as well. If her guess was right, she understood why you were content with the way she acted towards you, she didn’t give you any kind of special treatment, nor was she harsher on you that she needed. She was simply patient and understanding, characteristics she considered anyone in a teaching position should have. Since the first day, she had noticed right of the bat that you were going to be a tough case, despite the initial hurdles, you managed to adapt and put her teachings in practice. Tahara was glad, she knew you were the kind of person that was stubborn and unshakeable, honest and direct. Even though she had told you, —several times—the reality of the new world you found yourself in, she also knew that in order to keep yourself sane, one needed to maintain a piece of their true selves within them.

"That thing you worked so hard on, that mindset, that habit you tried to get rid of?" You swore her eyes softened for a second, before going back to their default steadiness. "Don’t lose it."

Your eyes widened. "What?"

"This environment cultivates cynical people," she said, her voice turning cold. "It encourages deceit and rewards selfishness," Tahara bit the inside of her cheek. “People lose sight of themselves… Of course, not everyone is like that but," the corner of her lips formed into a half-smile. "What I mean is, stay true to yourself, that's all."

You stared at her for a moment. You weren't expecting such kind words, let alone Tahara actively encouraging your ways, but you appreciated it nonetheless. After dealing with the nightmare that was Hirano —your actual PR agent— you would gladly indulge in any act of friendliness that came from an experienced professional.

"Thank you." You gave her a genuine smile. "I'll keep that in mind.”

You really hoped that she picked up on the sincerity of your words. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hii as always thx for reading ! kudos & comments are always welcome :p


	5. close encounters

The city must be making a mockery out of you, surely. Though bustling with life, people walked with a calm façade that bothered no one, except yourself, of course.

You contorted your face in annoyance. You couldn’t believe that after going through damn near five different bookstores —famous bookstores, at that—you still couldn’t find that dumb book Takeda had told you about. It wasn’t a matter of running out of time; the sky was still clear. No, you were running out of patience, which in your opinion was far worse. Your feet ached and your worn out shoes did not help in soothing your pain; despite the brilliant subway system, Tokyo was still a city made for walking.

The sliver of excitement had long worn out and the scowl on your face deepened. You were currently searching for a place called “ _Secret Garden_ ”, the photos from Google Maps showed a quaint little place, you figured it wouldn’t be too hard to find amid the city. There was a coffee shop, a nail salon, a rice shop (you took a mental note to visit someday), and a restaurant, yet no sign of an old cute little bookshop.

You took another quick look at the photos, trying to find a reference point. Somewhere in the background, gigantic face stood out like a sore thumb, looming over people’s heads like something worthy of admiring.

It was that goddamn ad —the same ad that seemed to follow you from the first bookstore you visited— _his face is truly everywhere_ , you noted with a dry chuckle. Were the useless ads promoting capitalism that much of a necessity? You felt bad for the poor souls that gave into the evil temptation of spending money for something they didn’t need, just because a famous person told them to. You were different though, you had consciousness (and no money to spend.)

As much as you couldn’t stand that face, at least it proved useful because now you found yourself staring into the door of a vintage-looking bookstore.

This was it, the last stop. If you didn’t find it today, maybe the universe simply didn’t want you to. (You were kind of okay with that.)

An earthy smell welcomed you as soon as your feet stepped on the threshold, you couldn’t help but marvel at the décor before you, thousands of books at your immediate disposal, shelves upon shelves of books that ranged from science to philosophy and language, though interesting, you weren’t here to play intellectual or gain some scholarly knowledge.

You walked to one of the standalone tables placed in the middle of the room and glanced at the colorful and not-so-colorful book covers too, none of them being the one you were after. Letting your eyes wonder, you scanned the room around you, every inch of the old walls were covered by shelves, with a squint, you noticed how at a certain corners the seemingly endless shelves came to an end. Craning your neck, you found a staircase hidden away at the very back. You had nothing to lose, so with a shrug of your shoulders, you made your way upstairs. At this point, you knew you’d probably need help from an employee to find the book in the sea that was this place, but for now, you decided to allow yourself to slow down and indulge in your curiosity, and if you were lucky, maybe, just maybe, you’d come across it.

You mindlessly walked past the row of shelves, keeping an eye out for the book’s white hard cover. A couple of titles managed to catch your attention, but not enough for you to stop and stare, you ended up reaching the end of one of the walls and let out a frustrated sigh, you even read the spine of every book from top to bottom, just in case! Your efforts were futile, perhaps you weren’t paying attention and it somehow missed you, but after scanning almost every book on the floor, you realized you wouldn’t get anywhere on your own. Before you could go off to find an employee, you caught a glimpse from the corner of your eye of a very familiar white cover. You gasped and didn’t think twice before quickly approached the stranger holding the very same item you spent countless hours looking for.

“Excuse me!”

The stranger flinched at the sound of your overexcited, unexpected voice. To his demise, the baseball cap he wore obscured most of his sight; the stranger forced himself to lift his head, a subtle grimace ghosting across his face.

“Yes?” he asked politely.

“Hi! I’m sorry to bother you but,” you pointed to the book in his hands. “Where did you get this? I’ve been searching everywhere for it but I just can’t seem to find it,” you said with a sheepish smile.

“Oh.” The stranger said after a few seconds as he moved to adjust his glasses. “Over there.” He pointed a graceful finger behind you. “There should be some copies left.”

You beamed at your new savior. “Thank you so much!”

The stranger watched you walk away, an indescribable feeling akin to a déjà vu washed over him. He couldn’t quite explain it, it’s not that he had seen you before, he didn’t recognize your face; he was good with those, once he saw a face it was unlikely that he’d forget it. Rather, it was the sound of your voice that made him question himself, not enough to call it familiar, but enough for it to be a vague memory wandering inside his mind. He decided to pay it no mind, coincidences were common after all, it was entirely realistic that one day, perhaps he was in the same vicinity as you, and your voice just so happened to reach his ears. That made sense.

He focused on the book in his hands. It had been too long since he had first read this novel, it had rapidly become one of his favorites to the point that he reread it more times than he cared to admit. But as time would have it, the golden letters engraved onto the spine of the book began to fade away with every graze of his slender fingers, delicate pages were no longer intact but ripped from its inner hinges and small dents littered the corners of the once spotless front cover.

The sound of your footsteps approaching made him slightly frown. Had you been unable to find it? He thought that was strange, he had directly pointed you to where he picked up the book, and he was sure he saw a bundle of copies tucked away by the corners of the shelf.

“I’m sorry I—“ You jabbed a thumb to the direction you came from. “I looked where you told me but there was nothing there…”

He squinted, trying his best to focus on the contents of the shelf behind you. He carefully looked at the books to the best of his ability from where he was standing. You sounded upset, he noticed.

“I mean,” you continued. “Maybe I just missed them. I’ll just go back and look again—“

“No,” he curtly said. “Don’t bother. You won’t find it.”

You gawked at him and whipped around, just to confirm that yes, your trip to this unknown bookstore had been for nothing.

“Aw, _maaaan,_ ” you said with a huff. The stranger watched you deflate in silence. You looked so defeated, while he certainly didn’t expect you to bounce back so rapidly, despite your sudden change of mood, he did expect the following question to come out of your mouth.

“You wouldn’t happen to know where I can find another copy, right?”

The stranger had known you for only 5 minutes, but he could already tell you were the persistent type. He looked at the hopeful glint in your eyes while his own remained impassive, he couldn’t help the small twitch of his fingers, the impulse of fiddling with them grew the longer he stood there. He hated to be the bearer of bad news.

“I’m sorry. But unfortunately, they’re quite hard to come by.”

You face palmed and let out a loud groan. “You’re kidding. Please, tell me you’re kidding.”

The stranger blinked. He had no reason to laugh at the expense of your misery; he recognized your frustration, he too would be if he were in your position. Though he doubted he’d go to the extent of pulling his hair out, unlike you.

“Do you…. genuinely need it?” he carefully asked, as if testing the waters.

You didn’t perk up this time. A sense of hopelessness came over you like a bucket of cold water, after all the trouble you went through, five different places, walking until your feet ached, all to find a book that already had an owner.

“I do. It’s kind of a matter of life and death, actually.”

(Life and death of your career, that is.)

You sized him up, he looked pretty fit, and definitely stronger than you, but you had something he didn’t: despair. Maybe if you were quick enough, you could push him, grab the book and run before he could—

“Here.”

You looked down at his hand —and the book—outstretched towards you. Your eyes went wide in shock, was this total stranger seriously giving you his book? While you contemplated robbing him?

_I’m so going to hell._

“You can have it.” The stranger inched his arm to your body, hoping you would accept this generous act of his before he changed his mind. “I already have a copy, you can take this one.” He pushed the book into your hesitant hands. The stranger let out a dejected sigh. He didn’t know you, but he couldn’t let himself be in the way of what he assumed to be a pivotal moment for you, he knew he’d just end up blaming himself knowing he could’ve done something about it.

Guilt started eating you up. What had you done to deserve his kindness? Nothing, nothing at all. You wanted to say “ _Yes, I’ll take it!”_ but guilt was a strong feeling that always left you awkward and uneasy.

“Are you… sure?” You gazed at the strange man, unable to properly meet his eyes. “You have no idea how grateful I am, really.” You paused, a sincere smile stretching from the corner of your lips. “I don’t even know how to repay you.”

The stranger shook his head in denial, a peek of blue flashed from behind the glasses and shadows. “You don’t have to do any of that, just—” He fought the urge to fiddle with his fingers once again. “Enjoy the book.”

You did something unexpected, well, you had done some unexpected things, but in his opinion, this one eclipsed all of them. He observed as you retrieved a piece of ripped paper from inside your bag and then proceeded to scribble something on it, the stranger inadvertently drew in a small breath when your warm hands grabbed his, the stark contrast of your cold metal ring almost made him shiver.

“In case you want it back.”

He didn’t pay attention to your words, still taken aback by your sudden actions. It wasn’t until you left that it finally registered in his brain what you had done, he opened his palm to find a crumpled piece of paper inked with messy handwriting, some of these numbers he couldn’t even tell apart.

It didn’t cross his mind that he had no name to call you.

* * *

A small droplet stained the pristine white page, distorting the b lack letters imprinted on it. You hesitantly reached a hand to your cheek, you were mildly aware of the lump in your throat, but you failed to notice the tears well up in your eyes. You blinked once, and another one fell.

Ah, _shit._

You didn’t think this would happen, you weren’t expecting to feel this gaping hole in your chest and to have your vision suddenly overtaken by a blur. You couldn’t even process a single emotion, its words still dancing fresh in your mind.

You were simply stunned.

Well, now you understood why Takeda defended this novel so desperately. It was riveting, from its first few pages up until the very end. You remember something he said about it not being romantic, and well, it certainly wasn’t. However, you thought it was a love story through and through, at least, in the most human sense. It depicted the cruel reality and misery of one so perfectly that it felt insulting not to call it one, and unfortunately, more often than not, a real love story ended with someone getting hurt along the way.

You would know, after all.

Taking a deep breath, you slowly lowered the book and settled it on your lap. Despite paying for it with your own money and taking it to your home, despite reading its contents to exhaustion, it still didn’t feel like yours, more like a borrowed property. You wondered about him, about that sweet stranger that still haunted your memories. You wondered about his interests and the genres he was into. Was he a romantic type of guy? A literature type of guy? Maybe he liked science fiction, or something more mundane, more ordinary. From his appearance alone, he seemed like a person that indulged in the classics, one of those must-read type of books every teacher was obsessed with. Your cheeks burned as you recalled your last interaction with him.

_God, what was I thinking?_

Giving away your number just like that, as if he would ever call you. You shook your head, he didn’t strike you as a weirdo, if he ever gave you a call, you hoped it would be for the sole purpose of getting that book back. A small part of you though, gambled on the idea that perhaps he’d ask for something more.

Alas, it was completely out of your hands.

You decided to scroll through Instagram, mainly to distract yourself from all the thoughts and feelings that currently clouded your mind, you mindlessly liked a few of the posts on your timeline, a funny picture of a fat cat and a picture of you, Sugawara and Hinata at that fashion show which you decided to leave a comment on.

> _ahhh that was so fun!! thx for the invite! **@ka9eyama**_

Your phone vibrated with a new notification.

_Well, that was fast._

> **_ka9eyama : @worms4brains_** i didn’t invite you i have never invited you

Your phone vibrated again.

> _**ka9eyama:** **@worms4brains** in fact please don’t come ever again_

You laughed at his response but decided not to reply, Kageyama was always fun to mess with, mostly because he always reacted the way you expected him to, though hard to read at first, you eventually figured out how to push his button and how to get on his good side.

You were about to exit the app when you came across that ad again, out of all the ads in the world, it had to be that one. Sure, he was nice to look at, but unfortunately, your silly brain had made an automatic association between his face and all the absolute bottom of the barrel movies he starred in, you had no idea how he did it, or how the public constantly let him get away with the worse performance you had ever seen. Maybe it wasn’t rational to dislike him, you didn’t personally know the guy, but it made sense to you, sitting through hours of his insufferable acting because there wasn’t anything better on TV felt like a personal offense. So yes, you couldn’t stand him, he had the looks, the connections, but lacked the most important factor, and no one seemed to bat an eye.

You thought it was the work of a simple thing called pretty privilege.

The screen of your phone lit up with another Instagram notification.

> _**sho_yo:** **@worms4brains** isn’t this u? lol_

A quick tap on the window and a photo immediately popped up, it was a blurry picture of you and a blonde haired girl, she smiled at the camera while you looked off to the side, probably not even knowing that she was snapping a photo. A surge of memories came over you, a party, a drink, a pitball and a girl. A girl you had ditched.

You made a face. You didn't know if she remembered everything that happened that night, or if she held a grudge over it, but you hoped that this post meant that at least she didn't totally hate you.

You didn’t have the guts to reply to Hinata’s comment.

* * *

The air smelled like change, faded green, and newly made coffee, courtesy of Sugawara. It felt colder too, cold enough to wear a jacket when going outside. You wouldn’t miss the aroma of sunscreen, or the hot or humid nature of the weather. Summer reminded you of sweating bodies and potential heat strokes; you loathed walking under the sun and feel like your skin was melting. The city was already bad enough, but it got a thousand times worse during summer, people from all over would travel, thus increasing the number of sweaty, stinky bodies that you had to walk through.

“I need positive affirmations.”

“Positive affirmations?” He questioned with a laugh.

You hummed, trying not to move your head too much. Your friend continued combing your hair with delicate fingers as he thought over your request.

“It’s okay if you don’t know how to drive.”

You nodded, readjusting your head on his lap.

“If you were a mythical creature, you’d be a man-eating dragon.”

A small chuckle escaped your lips. “That’s comforting.”

“Umm…” Sugawara looked at the ceiling. “You could totally fight a bear and win.”

“Depends on the type of bear, though.” You added absentmindedly.

It was pleasant; the soft feeling of his fingers caressing your hair slowly managed to lull you to sleep, making you forget about the events that transpired earlier.

“I’m charging you for this by the way.”

“You’re such a capitalist,” you tiredly mumbled. “Don’t have money, anyway.”

Sugawara hummed, knowing of your financial situation, which you never failed to remind him. “Then, you owe me a date,” he said with a teasing tone to his voice.

You let out a snort. “Sure.”

He didn’t think you’d agree so fast, but knowing you, he figured you probably didn’t think too much of it, you were indifferent like that, besides, it looked like you were too engrossed in your thoughts to be preoccupied about your newfound commitment.

“My sister called again.”

His hand stilled for a second, he retrieved his fingers from your locks and waited for you to complain at the lack of touch. Instead, you lifted your head from his lap and slouched on the other end of the couch. He noticed the way your gaze was a little lost, a little unfocused.

“She met my dad,” you blinked owlishly, as if taking the information in from the first time. Granted, you were still somewhat out of it, you weren’t surprised by your sister's actions, you were mostly taken aback by the fact that she kept pushing you to do the same as her. It was out of character, she wasn’t the type to be demanding, you two got along because you had a mutual agreement to not interfere in the other’s business, she wasn’t you and you weren’t her, both of you had different lives and different personalities. She never forced you to do anything you didn’t want, just like you never did to her.

You took a sharp intake of air. “She wants me to meet him too.”

He watched you quietly, he wasn’t quite sure if you were going to internalize your emotions or rant away like you usually did. “What did you say?”

“ _Fuck off?_ ” You let out a sardonic laugh, in spite of your situation; you found some amusement in your misfortune. “What am I supposed to say? We’ve gone over it already.”

Sugawara pursed his lips, he noticed the slight frown on your face, you didn’t look particularly angry or sad, more so annoyed. From the little that you had told him, and from what he had seen while you two were children, your father was rather absent in your life, he couldn’t begin to imagine why, he wondered if the thought of him still made you stay up at night. He hoped it didn’t.

“I don’t like seeing you like this, you know.”

Your eyes snapped towards him. “Like what?”

Sugawara reached forward and jabbed two of his fingers against your forehead. “Like the world’s out to get you, dumbass.”

You let out a scoff and swatted his hand away. “You’re the dumbass.” Rolling your eyes, you made yourself comfortable on the sofa and reached for the remote, with a single button, you got Netflix loading on the TV. Before you could have the chance to ask Sugawara what he wanted to watch, you were immediately assaulted with the massive face of your number one enemy.

“Oh, you’re fucking kidding me.”

Sugawara could only watch in confusion as you stared holes into his TV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i might go back and edit this, but i wanted to get one more chapter out b4 the year ended. 
> 
> to whoever's reading this, happy new year!! (ɔ◔‿◔)ɔ ♥
> 
> edited: 05/01


	6. a little dumb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sugawara reminisces on his past with you and receives an unexpected call.

Sugawara was in a mess, he knew that much. An emotional mess that let the rational side of him hanging by a thread of uncertainty.

He didn't know when it all started, he figured it traced back to when he was a child, small and naive, navigating the world and stumbling his way around something much bigger than him. Back then, feelings were welcomed and embraced, it was as easy as breathing, and emotions were simple enough; no need to stop and think the whys of it, he’d simply feel and express as he was, _as he was supposed to,_ no fronts, no inhibitions. 

But alas, parents wasted no time in shaping a child. Polite, kind, friendly, respectful, quiet and to always abide by the rules, that was what he was told. Despite the restrictions and his sheltered reality, Sugawara remained as carefree as he could, he carried the buoyant mood of a healthy child, every day was a new discovery to him.

He recognized frustration for the first time, when he saw his older cousin petting the stray dog he wasn’t allowed to.

Excitement, when his parents took him to his favorite park.

Embarrassment, when he stuttered the first time he introduced himself in class.

And surprise, when he saw you talk back to a teacher at school.

Sugawara couldn’t help but grow curious, he was a child, after all, and his purpose was —as far as he knew— to seek and find everything that piqued his interest. But the more he got to know you, the less he understood you. You lived in a completely different world ruled by different ideals, where he was quiet and polite, you were loud and imprudent, where he wasn’t allowed to express all his inner thoughts, you spoke yours with unconventional candor, without needing anyone’s permission. 

He didn’t care about his own whys, but he wanted to know about yours. 

Why, why, why.

Why be reckless and outspoken when all it got you was nothing but trouble?

So one fateful day he decided to ask you the big why.

You looked at him with confusion in your eyes, not quite understanding the meaning behind his question. “Well, no one’s gonna know what you think or feel or want if you don’t say so,” you told him with a shrug. “I’m just being honest.”

Somewhere along the line, knowing you became a palette of ineffable things that he couldn’t wrap his head around. Maybe it was a little dumb, but Sugawara had never been so excited to befriend someone. Sometimes you felt like his personal spokesperson, and it made him happy that you were nice enough to take care of him in such a way, you would constantly encourage him to speak his thoughts out loud too, no matter how outlandish and ridiculous. In turn, he’d come to your rescue whenever you got in trouble with other kids or teachers. In the eyes of everyone, it was the two of you against them. Sugawara didn’t care about the side eyed glances and whispers, not as long as he had you. 

He realized there was more to his little word, beyond the barriers that his parents and teachers imposed on him. The more time he spent with you, the more he discovered there was so much more for him to unearth, and he began viewing a bit of your world through his own eyes. Before he knew it, he was beginning to speak your language, in more ways than one.

The things you didn’t mean and the ones you did, when to take you seriously and when not to. It’s not that you were mean, or rude on purpose, you simply lacked the tact that most people had, either because you refused to fit in, or because you just didn’t care about what other people thought of you, (he still didn’t understand how you did it, even to this day). You had grown up wearing your heart on your sleeve, a walking open book that many dared not to read, and because of your unwavering opinions, you were often badly misjudged. 

Sugawara knew you weren’t that bad though. 

You were okay with that.

And he was okay with it too, but he simply wanted everyone else to see you as he did, as the wondrous person he always thought you were. It wasn’t just all bite and bark, you had good sides too! You went out of your way to defend him at school, and at home, you were more than willing to spend time with him, even in the days that you were sick. Whether you realized it or not, your abrasive attitude towards others made him feel rather special, it couldn't be helped, after all, he was the only one that you didn’t manage to scare away. He wore your friendship like a badge of honor, and the memories you made together were one of the few things he could endlessly talk about until he ran out of breath. 

Knowing you became like watching his favorite movie, he wanted to learn absolutely everything, he questioned and analyzed and understood until he had it all memorized like the back of his hand.

He’d spent time with you and you’d spent time with him, an equal exchange of warm smiles and snarky comments, but for a reason beyond him, he felt as he owed you the very thing he once explored for himself.

Seasons changed, and time went by.

It took a second of seeing your face again for all to come back crashing on him, he slowly realized he didn’t just _stop_ feeling certain things, he just happened to feel them when it came to you.

The truth was that he adored you, he had always known that, he just wasn’t sure to what extent. His mother would say he’d look at you like you hung the stars in the sky just for his eyes to see. And how could he not? He was sure sparks flew the very day you stepped into his life, a loud promise to turn over everything he was taught. You were everything he’d like to be, pragmatic, free-spoken, bold. Despite all the years of knowing you, there were still so many whys and hows. His admiration for you was profound and long-lasting, aging like wine; mature, richer, and in this case, sweeter. 

And still, you were the same as always, he couldn’t help but _feel._ Feel as he did back then, protected by your sole presence. The rational side of him would scoff at his own thoughts, he didn’t need shielding, he was an adult! He could stand his ground if needed, ready to accept any of the repercussions that might arise. But the day he ran into you, it was like all logic had left his brain and part of him somehow reverted back to being a child, adulthood be damned. 

But unlike his child self, he had long stopped exploring, after all, everything he needed was right there.

He knew of the possibility, lurking in the back of his mind like a panther camouflaged in the dark, waiting to pounce; he had become a victim of a timeless movie cliché, and that made him feel sort of pathetic, everyone knew that the falling-for-the-childhood-best-friend trope was heartbreak waiting to happen.

Sugawara was confused, so confused. Being an adult taught him the unfortunate and unfair complexity of life, feelings and emotions become far more complicated, tangled, more stupid and hard to understand, they changed and shifted like a tide and never seemed to stay still. 

The only thing that ever remained consistent was how he felt when it came to you. 

His idea was stupid, he knew that. Asking you on a date? While you were dealing with family drama? Uncalled for, maybe. Opportunistic, definitely. But he needed a definite answer to this last question, he needed to make sure that what he felt was real and not misplaced, that he wasn’t being clouded by the overwhelming excitement of having his best friend back. 

Or perhaps you just felt like what he longed for. Vivid memories of a simpler time. 

Even then, if it came down to it, he was glad it was you. 

  
  


The sound of a phone ringing was his call back to reality. He fished for his phone and answered without paying much attention, his mind still lingering on his earlier predicament. “Hello?”

“Sugawara-san?” A nasally voice spoke.

The man in question frowned. “Yes? Who’s this?” 

“It’s Maya! Do you remember me?” 

His eyes widened in shock. Your sister, _oh_ , he _remembers_ her, alright. He remembers the endless teasing he endured at her hand whenever he visited. Despite her older age, she somehow managed to be even more annoying that you and Sugawara combined together.

“Maya? Wow, this is… unexpected...” he said, letting out a nervous laugh.

“I know, I apologize for the sudden call, I—” she cleared her throat. “It’s very nice to hear your voice again Sugawara-san, it’s been a long time.”

If there was something that distinguished your sister from you, was the diplomatic nature that she carried from a young age, poised and overly friendly, she was as nice as they came, but just like you, she had a mean streak and an unwarranted need to speak her mind. Her words were candy, sugar coated and perfectly sweet, innocent to the untrained eye and pleasingly addictive to those that were naive.

She came across as the friendlier, more polite version of you. If you were a dagger in the open, your sister was a dagger inside a bouquet of freshly cut roses.

Sugawara didn’t know which one was worse.

“I’m very happy that the two of you reconnected and all that—”

“She told you?”

Maya hummed. “She was really excited about it. I hope you’re making up for lost time!”

“We’re trying,” he politely chuckled.

“That’s nice,” she said, giving a small laugh of her own.

He knew she wanted something, and it made him nervous to no end that he couldn’t imagine what it was. What business could she possibly want with him? The sudden inkling of an idea scurried across his mind, and he didn’t like what it entailed.

“Maya-san, why did you call me?”

“I know we’re not the best of friends, and it might be out of line for me to ask you but you’re the closest to her and… well, my sister always thought highly of you.” She paused. “She still does.” The woman let out a dejected sigh, as if it pained her to even speak. “I need you to talk to her.”

Sugawara pursed his lips. He knew what she was going to say, and he was already dreading the words that were about to slip out of her mouth, still, he asked. “About?”

“Our father.”

He kept quiet for a second. He couldn’t. He couldn’t, not only was it not his business but you were obviously annoyed by the whole ordeal, you made it crystal clear that you wanted nothing to do with your father, and Sugawara didn’t need you hating him for sticking his nose in places that didn’t concern him. Especially not now.

“I’m sorry,” he said, not feeling sorry at all. “It really isn’t my place, I think it’s best if you talk to her—” 

“I’ve tried! Several times! She doesn’t care! And there are so many things she doesn’t know but she just refuses to listen. If you just— at least get her to talk to me, _please_ , just one more time.”

He could pick up on the urgency in her tone, she sounded damn near desperate. Sugawara ran his fingers through his unkempt hair and sighed. He couldn't, _he couldn’t._ But a small part of him wanted, the stupid, idiotic altruistic (or holier than thou, as you liked to called it) part of him, the one that liked to keep peace and fix the problems that didn’t really have anything to do with him. It wasn’t his fault he was a born mediator!

But Sugawara wasn’t a moron, he knew he would be putting your refound friendship on the line here, but if he did as your sister said, and if you got to talk to your dad at least once...

Was it too crazy to think you’d be thankful?

Was it too bad that he was considering it?

He let out a soft curse under his breath. He was a human, after all, and humans were stupid, with stupid feelings and stupid emotions, more often than not too caught up in their own selfish needs in the name of satisfaction. But satisfaction was always short-lived, a momentary happiness that hardly ever proved it’s worth. 

He was only human, after all.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is shorter than usual, fortunately i have the next one written out so it should be up soon. 
> 
> any thoughts, questions, etc are always welcomed! commenting is free and everyone loves a good comment. believe it or not it keeps us going ;) 
> 
> once again, thanks for reading <3


	7. sweet and sour

As if the man’s natural face wasn’t infuriating enough, the sneer directed your way left you grinding your teeth in utter annoyance. You had the sudden urge to punch it out of him, but you were a mature person, you wouldn’t go around picking fights with men twice your size, not if you knew what was good for you, and as bad as your temper was, you knew to choose your battles wisely (most of the time).

“What do you think of him?” Asked a voice to your right.

You glanced at your neighbor from the corner of your eye, the very same one you were adamant about ignoring while you waited to be called in, not because you didn’t like him, you certainly didn’t know the guy, and he hadn’t done anything to bother you so far —he’d just lazily scroll through his Twitter feed— but you were simply too caught up in your own thoughts to pay any attention to the competition around you.

Small talk was something that you found annoying, just an enforced tool for politeness that had no real weight or value and made people feel uncomfortable most of the time. But your neighbor looked curious, innocent enough to warrant a response out of you, so you decided to humor him.

“Either he’s got the part —after buying his way in— or he’s rich and unafraid of failure and ravishes in seeing people like us struggle.” 

Your neighbor lets out a scoff and slumps in his chair, a deep sigh leaving his lips. “Well, the richer you are the more chances you have, ain’t that right?” he said wistfully, an undertone of resentment caught somewhere in his words.

You properly turned to him, from a first glance you could tell he was a bit of the eccentric side, he donned on a black t-shirt that seemed to be a little too big on him, it hung a tad low, giving a perfect view of his collarbones; a long cord rested over them, courtesy of the black wrap choker hugging his slender neck. You caught sight of his pierced ears, multiple small silver hoops adorned the skin, and a chain earring dangled from the top of his ear. He looked cool, he  _ was _ cool. Almost too cool, bordering within approachable and unapproachable, you wondered if he ever got stares, maybe he was one of those people that went out of their way to stand out within the masses, “ _ Look at me, I’m different _ ,” but in a society like the one you lived in, that was practically social  _ and _ career suicide. You smiled a little to yourself and decided right there and then that he was interesting enough to try befriending.

In contrast to the edgy coordination, his bleached blond hair stood out the most to you, several messy strands dyed of soft pastel colors, giving him the appearance of a human cotton candy. With his rather unordinary and disheveled aesthetic, you thought he could very well pass as a model of sorts. 

He shifted in his seat, making the baby pink leather jacket he wore gracefully fall from his left shoulder, almost as if it was planned. His posture screamed casual and uninterested, but his eyes told a completely different story. Sharp and focused irises stared ahead, and the brown eyeshadow underneath his eyes only intensified his gaze even more. A strange combination of despair and security emanated from him, it seemed to you that he was willing to gamble and risk it, and unlike the previous man that looked down on you, something told you he had everything to lose, but for some reason, he came across as if he knew what he was doing, a confidence that most people lacked. 

You nodded towards him. “Which part are you going for?”

He looked at you and the previous intensity of his stare seemed to dissipate, instead replaced by a playful spark igniting inside his eyes. “Which part do  _ you _ think I’m going for?”

The stranger took the opportunity to size you up; he first took notice of the red and pink toned streaks opposing your natural hair color, and unconsciously let out a soft hum of approval. The simple, barely noticeable eye makeup he wasn’t a fan of, but he was in a good mood, so he decided to let it go. What interested him the most though, was the vibe you were giving off. Yes, the mighty _ vibe _ that everyone would use as an excuse to ghost people all the time. But he could pick up on it, especially when it was one he knew so well. It took him a second of looking at you to know that there was something different, and another one to conclude that you were one of his brethren. He doesn’t bother pondering about your answer, he already knows what you’re going to say. 

You tilted your head. “I want to say that you look like a humble guy, but that’d be a lie. You look desperate, ready to do just about anything to get the part.” 

Unprovoked and uncalled for, maybe. But he expected nothing less.

The corner of his lip quirked upward. “We must be two sides of the same coin, then.” 

Before you know it, he’s opening the door to the room where the gatekeepers of everything you longed for awaited.

You managed to say a quick “Good luck”, more out of politeness than anything, you doubted he was the type to need something like the concept of luck on his side. What you didn’t expect was him proving you correct when a low “Don’t need it” reached your ears.

To say that he left a good impression was an understatement, the casting directors had even brought him in again for a chemistry read with you. The moment he walked in, you both knew you had it in the bag. 

The months that followed after were probably the most bizarre of your life, he had an inexplicable magnetism that made you confide in him, perhaps it was because of the similar background and experiences you two shared, or the knowing smile that he would constantly wear around you, as if he already had you figured out before you had the chance to say anything, it didn’t help that he was already so charming, he had that quality that made people want to be liked by him, even despite his snide remarks and cuestionable behavior.

It didn’t take you long to realize that he wasn’t any better than you, and you weren’t any better than him. Different sides of the same coin, indeed. Nothing ever seemed to faze him, and he was genuinely so accepting and laid-back, that you couldn’t help but trust him with your secrets, the good and the bad, and in return, he told you his. Time with him made you understand he was someone to be treated carefully, he was a fantastic ally and a dangerous enemy. For some reason, he let you get away with things that he didn’t let other people, like the constant jabs and complaints about his personality, as well as the playful and borderline rough way you’d sometimes talk to him. You didn’t mean to be ill-mannered on purpose (most of the time), he hadn’t seen your bad side yet, but he knew it was nowhere near the way you treated him, so he let it slide.

Where you two had a similar drive to achieve your goals, he was far more ruthless, and you weren’t sure just how far he was willing to go in order to get his way. The fervent look in his eyes wasn't an uncommon one —you knew that stare too well, talents starving for a piece of recognition— it was that merciless glint that you found rare yet so fascinating. But he was good to you, and you were good to him, so you kept each other around.

People around you began acting a little different, they’d stare a little too long and share whispers behind your back, rumors of more than friends and less that lovers surrounded you, but they were all hushed speculations that no one ever dared to bring it up, instead, they’d rather nervously smile and laugh with you, hoping to get in your good graces. You only found it amusing, but your friend seemed to bask in their awe, whether it was positive or negative, he didn’t care. He found power in what people would define as idiosyncratic and unpredictable, and he made sure to turn it into something that would benefit him, into something profitable. With you by his side, he knew they’d be a force to be reckoned with.

Time crawled by and festival season came to a close, you didn’t expect to see him anymore, you were mentally drained, sometimes being around him was too demanding of your energy, he could be just…  _ too much. _

Luck let you know she was not on your side when you saw him peering at you from above, a shocked look on his face.

“I’m s— Cherry! Oh my god!” He had taken to call you that sometime while getting acquainted, his reasoning? The various red streaks in your hair. In return, you started calling him “Candy” as a way to annoy him, but it had backfired horribly, he had loved the nickname you had given him (of course), so you decided to use his new name sparingly and only to your convenience.

You accepted his outstretched hand and he carefully pulled you up from the ground.

“Are you okay?” he asked in a gleeful tone.

“I fell on my ass because of you,” you grunted. “At least try to sound apologetic.” 

He beamed at you, his eyes shining like he had just received the greatest news in the world, and proceeded to crush you in a desperate hug. “I missed you so much! I wanted to text you but I knew you’d leave me on read,” he said with a pout.

“Luka, I can’t breathe—”

He pulled away, his smile softening as he grabbed you by the shoulders. “We need to catch up.” You knew it wasn’t a suggestion or an order, it was a fact. And you had no choice but to accept it.

“Okay, your treat.”

Your friend whined like a child, but no matter how much he cried and complained, you knew he’d give in eventually.

“Come on,  _ Candy _ ?” You said the magic word and his whining immediately stopped, as if you were shoving a toy in front of a child to get them to stop crying. You found it suspicious, he wasn’t one to be easily swayed, and you theorized that he had reacted like that because he knew you’d call him by his favorite nickname.

“I love it when you manipulate me~”

You rolled your eyes. “Yeah, right.”

He had a knack to put people on edge, constantly on their toes –-that was, if they even knew of his mind games— but you didn’t really mind, he always seemed to be two, three steps ahead, and you were surprisingly okay with that. He could be witty and a master of manipulation if he wanted, you were fine just doing your own thing; one of the few upsides to his cunning ways were that he’d do all the thinking for you, and it’d benefit you greatly, whether it was having exclusive information like knowing things about people that shouldn’t be known, or finding out what the next big audition would be. As long as it benefited him, he was on it.

Luka walked you to the nearest cafe restaurant, ignoring your complaints about it being “Too far away,” and instead dragging you by the arm. He was a determined person, probably the most determined person in the world, and so he successfully got you inside the building without too much trouble. 

“I believe we have a lot of things to discuss, you will  _ not _ believe what happened.”

You took a seat across him and leaned on the table, head in hands. “No clue, please do tell.”

He rolled his eyes this time. “I would appreciate a little more enthusiasm, but okay,” You called the waitress over as he began. “So you know after festival season ended and that review came out—“

“ _ Oh _ , the revie— I still can’t believe it.”

He nodded in excitement. “I know, I thought I was going to piss myself while reading!” 

You let out a laugh. “It was seriously scary. I thought we’d be over for good.” 

His smile dropped and he looked you in the eye, there it was, that damn drive. “Cherry, don’t say that,” he cooed. “We’re just getting started.” 

You sat upright, suddenly feeling like you were caught slacking off by the teacher. “Yeah, no. I know.” Waving your head, you told him to continue.

The waitress arrived at your table and you both placed your orders. 

“So,” Luka resumed with a sigh. “A few weeks after the review came out, I got scouted by  _ West Royale _ and I ended up signing with them.”

West Royale was one of the biggest companies alongside FGA, they too had a roster of different talents under them, some of them being one of most prominent acts in film and television as of today. It was a big deal, especially for someone not blessed by nepotism, and being part of a well connected agency brought a great amount of opportunities.

Your eyes widened. “Holy shit! Congrats! That’s like, huge.”

“Yeah, I feel like things are finally taking off. But enough about me,” he shook his head and focused his gaze on you. “I heard from a little birdie that someone joined FGA~” he said, a smile threatening to break out. 

You held his gaze, but it’s not long before you’re smiling too. “I mean, kind of? It’s crazy, like, I still can’t believe it. We’re in their building now and their offices are pretty cool.”

You watched him reach for your hand across the table. “You did it, Cherry.” He squeezed once. “We did it.” 

You squeezed back. “Damn right.”

He made a sudden face of disgust and immediately retracted his hand as if touching you burned his skin. “That was so sappy, let’s pretend it never happened.”

You reach over for his face, squeezing his cheeks between your hands. “What’s wrong with a little affection, huh?” 

He desperately tried to pry your fingers away from him, but your grip is strong. “You’re gross and your breath smells like dog shit, let go!” 

You knew people were staring, but you don’t care and neither does he. You threw your head back in a fit of laughter, and eventually conceded to his pleading. 

“PDA in public? Who knew a virgin could be so bold,” he said teasingly, rubbing his sore cheeks.

“That’s funny coming from the biggest virgin in Tokyo.” You shot back.

“I get around, okay!”

You nod towards him. “I like the new hair, by the way.” 

Luka had completely ditched his days of bleach blond babe and instead opted for a pretty medium brown. Another thing that annoyed you about him, he could wear any hair color in the world and make it look good.

“Ah?” he fingered one of the wavy strands. “Yeah, bleaching all the time is tiring.”

“Some people wear it like that though, overgrown roots and all, seems like a trend nowadays,” you shrugged. 

He hummed in agreement. “I know, I just needed a change. New beginnings, you know.”

You let out a chuckle. “How symbolic of you. But I guess I’ll have to stop calling you Candy, then.” 

“ _ Nooo _ ,” he drew out with a pout. “I‘ll always be your Candy!” He shook his hands in front of your face, a sign that he’s over this topic. “But that’s not what I want to talk about! I heard there’s this annual event coming up, like a charity event or something.”

“Charity event?” 

The waitress finally arrived with your drinks, she placed the iced americano for him and the mocha frappuccino for you. 

He clasped his hands together, a grin taking over his face. “Everyone who’s anyone will be going.”

You look at him, calmly sipping on your drink. “The perfect opportunity for me to embarrass you, you say?” 

”Don’t do that,” he threatened, throwing a menacing look at you. “I’ll kill you, and no one will ever find your body.” 

You continued sipping your drink, unbothered by his death threat. “That’s fine by me.” 

“I met Oikawa.”

You choke and start violently coughing. A normal friend would’ve immediately come to your aid and pat your back, but Luka wasn’t a normal friend. 

“We talked a few times,” he said in such a nonchalant way that made you want to push him onto incoming traffic. 

You tried recovering from your coughing fit as casually as possible, as if people didn’t almost witness a death by an overpriced frappuccino. You narrowed your eyes at Luka. If looks could kill, he’d already be five feet under. 

“One, that was attempted murder – I could’ve choked to death. Two, I can’t believe you’re fraternizing with the enemy!” 

He was quietly sipping from his own drink when you slapped his arm, making him jump. “Ow!” he yelled, rubbing the now pink skin. “Enemy? You don’t know the guy, besides, he’s not even that bad! He’s actually kinda nice.”

You frown at him. “The fact that he acts like shit and still gets booked is enough for me to consider him an enemy, and you’re only saying that because you think he’s cute.”

“Listen—“ he holds a finger in the air, ready to defend his honor, before giving up completely. “No, it’s true.”

You let out a groan and rub at your temples. “So? You two are like, buddies now that you’re in his agency or what?”

“No, at least not  _ yet. _ ” 

You heard a sudden commotion happening from behind Luka, you craned your head to get a better view and he turned around at the sound of loud voices coming from the back of the restaurant. 

A guy with rosy gold hair rounds the corner, an angry expression on his face as he violently removes his apron. “—Fucking Overworked and underpaid!” you watched him crinkle the apron into a ball and throw it over the counter where his coworkers stood. “And I quit!” 

Lukas had on an amused face while your mouth hung open in disbelief. 

The now ex-employee reached for the door, ready to say goodbye to the exploiting system that was capitalism, before he halted and turned to the clientele who sat frozen staring at him. “Oh, and that pie they sell you is expired, you’re welcome!”

Several utensils clanked against tables, and people began looking over to the employees in indignation and suspicion. You and Luka let out a giggle, your laughs mixing together and increasing in volume, in a matter of seconds, you’re both clutching your stomachs. 

The rose gold guy shifted his attention to where you are sitting, you wiped your tears and sent him a thumbs up, hoping he’d understand with this simple action that you supported his actions.

He quietly smiled and finally pushed the door open, leaving behind a ruckus for someone else to deal with. 

* * *

After that display of courage, you and Luka decided to part ways with the promise of meeting again some time soon. 

“And reply to my texts!”

“Yes, I will!”

“Pinky promise!”

“Yeah, okay. Just go!”

You shook your head in amusement, even though yes, hanging out with him was draining, he was also a fantastic mood maker. You knew he could really,  _ genuinely _ get a foot in the door now that he was under a reputable company, and you were happy for him, you were! He worked hard for what he had, harder than anyone you’ve met. 

Your phone began vibrating with an incoming call, you quickly fished it from the back pocket of your jeans and answered. 

“Yeah?”

“I have good news and bad news.”

You hummed pretending to evaluate your options. “Good news.”

“Good news, I finally have the time and place for the audition place. Bad news,” he sighed, as if preparing himself to make such a dire announcement. “Everyone and I mean  _ everyone _ is going for the part, not just no-names, but the critically acclaimed too.” 

You sighed through your nose taking in the information that you already knew, because you weren’t dumb, you were aware of how sought after it would be, the first film adaptation of a once very popular book by a well known studio. There was bound to be some tough competition. 

Were you ready for it? 

You couldn’t even answer that yourself.

“Yeah, I know. It’s gonna be, uh, something.” You laughed, a futile attempt to cover up your nerves. 

“I believe in you!”

“I’ll probably piss myself or something.”

“Don’t say that!” He yelled loudly, enough for you to put some distance between the speaker and your ear. “You’ll do great! You’ve read the book, right? Just try to bring out that sentiment the character feels.”

You shook your head. “I’ve never—I’m like, emotionally constipated, okay? And I’ve never done anything like that before, not to that degree, even if it’s fake. What if I fuck up?” 

If there was one thing you couldn’t do, that truly kicked your ass and was the bane of your existence and artistic career, was acting out romance. You could do something simple, like holding hands and maybe half assed hugs, maybe even a kiss on the cheek —only if it was someone you were comfortable with— and you thought you could go all out for the arts~, never mind that, the  _ money _ , in your head you had no problem acting out anything if it was for a check (not like you could afford to be picky) but there was always that hurdle that you couldn’t get past, something that always hold you back no matter how serious you were about it, half of the time you couldn’t stop cringing, and the other one you looked too stony-faced for anyone to believe you held a pounce of affection in your heart. 

Pretending to care was hard. 

You never had to pretend liking something or someone, if you didn’t like it,  _ you didn’t like it, _ and you had no issue making it known, it was simple as that.

How were you supposed to act like you were in love when you weren’t even sure you knew what it felt like? What did being in love even look like? Was it really how the movies depicted it, the natural all-consuming yearning for one another, or was it something more grounded, like the roots of a tree that stopped growing long ago? 

It was that kind of intimacy that you had trouble with, but you didn’t want to think about any of that, at least not now. You’d let the future you deal with that later on. 

“—because I believe you can do this.” Finished saying Takeda. You felt a little bad that you had barely listened to the end of his little speech, but you were glad he was supportive of you, blind trust and all. 

“Well, at least someone does,” you shifted your phone from one ear to another. “I think I’ll just… re read the whole thing and see what I come up with.”

You wanted Takeda’s previous words to seep into your brain; he believed in you. He had always believed in you, and you couldn’t afford to let him down, not him, not you, not anyone. 

This is what you were longing for all this time, this was  _ it.  _ Even if the final decision was out of your hands, you’d do your damn best to get the result you wanted. You doubted life was nice enough to grant second chances, there was no way you’d let this opportunity slip through your hands, you’d grip and scratch and claw your way in if you had to.

Soon enough, there would be no turning back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, so here's an oc, don't mind him, it's all for the plot.
> 
> if you liked this chapter (or didn't) lmkk in the comments (or don't) :D
> 
> til next time!


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